Jack: (voice over) Good evening, I'm the announcer
who's just been given this job by the BBC and I'd just like to say
how grateful I am to the BBC for providing me with work,
particularly at this time of year, when things are a bit thin for us
announcers ... um ... I don't know whether I should tell you this,
but, well, I have been going through a rather tough time recently.
Things have been pretty awful at home. My wife, Josephine...
'Joe-jums' as I call her ... who is also an announcer...
Jack: ... has not been able to announce since our
youngest, Clifford, was born, and, well, (tearfully) I've
just got no confidence left ... I can't get up in the morning... I
feel. there's nothing worth living for... (he starts to sob)
Dick: Hello, I'm another announcer, my name's Dick.
Joe-jums just rang me and said Jack was having a bad time with this
announcement, so I've just come to give him a hand. How is he,
Joe-jums: Pretty bad, Dick.
Dick: Jack ... it's Dick ... Do you want me to make the
Jack: No, no Dick. I must do it myself... (emotionally)
it's my last chance with the BBC, I can't throw it away... I've got
to do it ... for Joe-jums... for the kids... I've got to go through
Dick: Good man. Now remember your announcer's training:
deep breaths, and try not to think about what you're saying...
Jack: Good evening. This (a trace of superhuman effort
in his voice) is BBC 1...
Joe-jums: Good luck, Jack.
Dick: Keep going, old boy.
Jack: It's ... nine o'clock ... and ... time ... for ...
the News ... read by ... Richard Baker...
(Cut to start of the 'Nine O'clock News '.)
Joe-jums: You've done it.
Dick: Congratulations, old man!
(Richard Baker is sitting at a desk. As Richard Baker speaks
we hear no sounds apart from the sounds of celebration of the
announcers - champagne corks popping, etc. At the beginning of the
news Baker uses the gesture between sentences that we have seen Mr.
Orbiter use, plus other gestures. Behind him on the screen a collage
of photos appear one after the offer: Richard Nixon, Tony
Armstrong-Jones, the White Home, Princess Margaret, parliament,
naked breasts, a scrubbing brush, a man with a stone through his
head, Margaret Thatcher, a lavatory, a Scotsman lying on his back
with his knees drawn up, a corkscrew, Edward Heath, a pair of false
teeth in a glass. Whilst these have been going on Baker has been
making gestures starting with elbow-up gesture and getting
progressively more obscure and intriguing. We don't hear him at all,
we hear all the announcers having a party and congratulating Jack.)
Joe-jums: Fantastic darling, you were brilliant. No, no,
it was the best you ever did.
Jack: Thank God.
Joe-jums: It was absolutely super.
Dick: ... have a drink. For God's sake drink this...
Dick: The least I could do - super - I must come over.
Jack: I can't tell you how much that means.
(Eventually the voices stop and four the first time we hear
Richard Baker's voice.)
Baker: ... until the name Maudling is almost totally
obscured. That is the ned of the micro-not wens. And now it's time
for the late night film.