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Monty Python and The Holy Grail Sounds

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The following sounds have been collected by the dead and compiled for you, the living audience's listening pleasure. The dead were invited to participate in a live meeting to discuss their sound choice, but unfortunately no one could find enough Lysol to kill the smell. Still, no one can fault their discriminating taste and I think I speak for all living people when I say BRAVO! BRAVO! to our dear dead friends, and also any dead pets who may have accompanied them to the afterlife.


Some Loverly Songs

Holy Grail Theme - Midi

Brave Sir Robin - Midi

Knights of the Round Table Song - Mp3


The Trouble with Swallows

You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? Not at all, they could be carried. What, a swallow carrying a coconut? It could grip it by the husk. It's not a question of where he grips it, it's a simple question of weight ratios. A 5 ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut

Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second, right? Please! Am I right? I'm not interested!

Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?! But then of course African swallows are not migratory. Oh, yeah...

Wait a minute -- supposing two swallows carried it together? No, they'd have to have it on a line. Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!


Just Die Already

Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

I'm not dead!!

He says he's not dead! Yes, he is. I'm not! He isn't? Well, he will be soon, he's very ill.

I'm getting better! No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment

I don't want to go on the cart! Oh, don't be such a baby!

You're not foolin' anyone you know.

I feel happy! I feel happy! (thud)


Repression is Nine Tenths of the Law?

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.

I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!

Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!!

Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!


Arthur meets a Brave Knight and cuts off his limbs

None shall pass.

'Tis but a scratch.Your arm's off!!! No it isn't

Come on ya pansy!

Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left. Yes I have. Look! Just a flesh wound.

What are you going to do, bleed on me?

Chicken! Look, I'll have your leg. Right! (whack)

All right, we'll call it a draw

Oh, I see, running away, eh?

You yellow bastard!! Come back here and take what's coming to you!!

Victory is mine!

You're a looney!

I'll bite your legs off!!


Witches and How to Build Bridges out of them

We have found a witch, may we burn her?

I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!

They dressed me up like this. No we didn't! No! No! And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!

Did you dress her up like this? No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit. She has got a wart.

She Turned me into a newt. A Newt? I got better.

So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? Build a bridge out of her!!


Why Nobody Likes the French

He says they've already got one. Are you sure he's got one? Oh yes, it's very nice.

I'm French!! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent you silly king?

What are you doing in England? Mind your own business!

I blow my nose at you so called Arthur King, you and all your silly English kniggits.

You don't frighten us English pigdogs!

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper!

Go and boil your bottom sons of a silly person!

I fart in your general direction!

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

Run Away!! Run Away!!

And this one is for your mother!

Who leaps out? Uh, Lancelot, Galahad, and I. Uh, leap out of the rabbit, and and uh.... Ohhhhhhh

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