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Monty Python Sound Files

Here are some short Monty Python's Flying Circus sound files that I have collected in no particular order except that order in which I chose to distribute them. If you have a complaint about the order in which the sounds are shown, please follow the long orderly line to your left.....under no circumstance do we suggest talking as this tends to agitate Dinsdale, the giant hedgehog in charge of customer complaints.

Right click on a sound to save

No No No No you loopy brothel inmate!


Do you get wafers with it? Of course you don't get F**king wafers with it, it's a f**king albatross

God, you turn me on when you're angry you ancient brute!

I want to buy some cheese.

You whining hypocritical toadies!!!

Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Fine, fine. Well, just a pair of panties then please.

Good evening ladies and Bruces.

Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!

Discipline? Naked? With a melon!?

I'm more interesting than a wet pussycat!!

There's a dead bishop on the landing.

My hovercraft is full of eels

Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?

Please fondle my bum

My nipples explode with delight!

How long is it? That's rather a personal question sir!

Why don't you want to eat me? I'd rather eat Johnson sir. So would I sir.

I wish you'd all stop bickering and eat me!

If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy,would it?

Say no more!

Stop that! It's silly!

Shut your cake-hole, you Nazi!

I just spent 4 hours burying the cat

You're a very silly man and I'm not going to interview you.

Do you know I still wet my bed?

Note the huge-breasted typist in the background

Have you come to arrange a holiday, or would you like a blow-job?

You bastards!!! You vicious, heartless bastards!

Accountancy Shanty

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Brian Song

I Like Chinese

All Things Dull and Ugly


The galaxy song

Eric the Half a Bee

Holy Grail Theme Music

Lumberjack Song

Money Song

Never be Rude to an Arab

Penis Song (Not the Noel Coward Song)

Bruces' Philosophers Song

Knights of the Round Table

Sit on My Face

I'm So Worried

Every Sperm is Sacred


Mr. Creosote

King Arthur music

Adam's bridgekeeper answering machine answer

Dramatic chord

Get on with it!


Castle Aaaagh music


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