(Apropos of nothing cut to oak-paneled robing chamber in the
Old Bailey. Two Judges in full wigs and red robes enter.)
First Judge: (very camp) Oh, I've had such a
morning in the High Court. I could stamp my little feet the way
those QC's carry on.
Second Judge: (just as camp) Don't I know it, love.
First Judge: Objection here, objection there! And that
nice policeman giving his evidence so well - beautiful speaking
voice ... well after a bit all I could do was bang my little gavel.
Second Judge: You what, love?
First Judge: I banged me gavel. I did me 'silence in
court' bit. Ooh! If looks could kill that prosecuting counsel would
be in for thirty years. How did your summing up go?
Second Judge: Well, I was quite pleased actually. I was
trying to do my butch voice, you know, 'what the jury must
understand', and they loved it, you know. I could see that foreman
First Judge: Really?
Second Judge: Yes, cheeky devil.
First Judge: Was he that tall man with that very big... ?
Second Judge: No, just a minute - I must finish you know.
Anyway, I finished up with 'the actions of these vicious men is a
violent stain on the community and the full penalty of the law is
scarcely sufficient to deal with their ghastly crimes', and I
waggled my wig! Just ever so slightly, but it was a stunning effect.
First Judge: Oh, I bet it was... like that super time I
wore that striped robe in the Magistrates Court.
Second Judge: Oh, aye.