Monty Python Scripts

Raymond Luxury-Yacht Interview

(Fade in on ordinary interview set. Interviewer sitting with man with large Semitic polystyrene nose.)

Interviewer: Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight one of Britain's leading skin specialists - Raymond Luxury Yacht.

Raymond: That's not my name.

Interviewer: I'm sorry - Raymond Luxury Yach-t.

Raymond: No, no, no - it's spelt Raymond: Luxury Yach-t, but it's pronounced 'Throatwobbler Mangrove'.

Interviewer: You're a very silly man and I'm not going to interview you.

Raymond: Ah, anti-Semitism!

Interviewer: Not at all. It's not even a proper nose. (takes it off) It's polystyrene.

Raymond: Give me my nose back.

Interviewer: You can collect it at reception. Now go away.

Raymond: I want to be on the television.

Interviewer: Well you can't.