(Animation sketch leading to a booth in a quite expensive
looking coffee shop, Italian style. Nigel is sitting there. Timmy
William comes in. He has just the faintest passing resemblance to
Timmy: Nigel! Wonderful to see you, super, super, super.
Am I a teeny bit late?
Nigel: A bit, an hour.
Timmy: Oh, super! Only Snowdon's been re-touching my
profile and we can't upset the lovely Snowdon, can we?
Nigel: Gosh, no.
(A man passes.)
Timmy: (gets up and clasps his hands) ... David
Bloggs ... the one and only ... super to see you. Who are you
working for? Come and work for me, I'll call you tomorrow. (sits
down) It's really lovely to have this little chat with you.
Nigel: Well, I...
Timmy: It is so nice to have this little talk about
things. I heard a teeny rumorlette that you were married.
Nigel: Well, not quite, no. My wife's just died, actually.
Timmy: Oh dear. (sees another man passing) Brian!
(extends his arm) We must get together again soon. See you.
Bye. (to Nigel) Well, perhaps we could do a tribute to her on
Nigel: Well, no. I...
Timmy: I'll get Peter, William, Arthur, Alex, Joan, Ted,
Scott, Will, John and Ray to fix it up. It is so nice having this
Nigel: Well, actually Timmy, I'm glad to get you on your
(A reporter comes up to the table.)
Timmy: You don't mind if Peter just sits in, do you?
Nigel: Well, actually...
Timmy: Only he's doing an article on me for the 'Mail'.
He's such a lovely person.
Timmy: Peter, this is one of the nicest people in the
world, Nigel Watt. (Peter scribbles it down) W-A-double T.
That's right, yes.
Nigel: Well, actually, Timmy, the thing is, it's a bit
(A writer comes to the table.)
Timmy: Oh, you don't mind if Peter just sits in, do you?
Only Peter's writing a book on me. Peter, you know Tony from the
'Mail', don't you?
Peter: Yes, we met in the Turkish bath yesterday.
Timmy: Super, super. Did it come up well in the writing
Peter: Great, great, great.
Timmy: You took out the tummy references? (makes
Peter: Yes, I did.
Timmy: Super, super, super. Just to fill you in, this is
Nigel Watt and we are having a little heart-to-hem. H-E-A-R-T.
Smashing. Do go on, Nigel.
(They both start writing.)
Nigel: Well, well, the thing is, Timmy, um er...
(Timmy is smiling and posing. Nigel stops and looks. There is
a photographer, hovering.)
Timmy: Do carry on, it's the 'TV Times', only they
syndicate these photographs to America. Would you mind if we just
er... (grabs him by the hand and poses hearty friendship photo)
Super, super. One over here, I think, Bob. A little smile, please,
smashing, smashing. Feel free, Bob, to circulate, won't you. Do go
on, this is most interesting.
Nigel: Well, the thing is, Timmy, I'm a bit embarrassed.
Waiter: (coming to table) Oh, Mr. Willimas, it's so
nice to see you. Will you sign this for my little daughter, please?
Timmy: Hello, Mario. Super, wonderful. (signs) Just
two lovely coffees, please. (Director comes in.)
Director: Sorry, sorry, Timmy. Can we just go from where
Mario comes in, we're getting bad sound, OK?
Timmy: It's German television. Isn't it exciting, Nigel?
They're doing a prize-winning documentary on me.
(We see a film camera and the whole crew gathered round.)
Clapper Boy: 'The Wonderful Mr. Williams', scene 239, take
Timmy: (taking the cue, switches) Mario, how super
to see you. How are the lovely family? Please give your little
daughter this. (hands him a five pound note) Thank you. And
just two lovely coffees, please.
Mario: Yes, sir.
Timmy: (to Nigel) Such a lovely waiter. Now, go on
please, this is most interesting.
Nigel: Well ... er... as I was saying, Timmy, my wife's
gone... gone. (close-up on him) I've got three children and
I'm at my wits' end. No job, no insurance, no money at all. I'm
absolutely fiat broke, I just don't know where to turn. I... I'm
absolutely at the end of my tether. You're my only chance. Can you
help me, please, Timmy?
(He looks up, Timmy isn't there. Timmy comes bounding back.)
Timmy: Sorry, I was on the phone to America. It's been
super having this lovely little chat. We must do this again more
often. Er... will you get the toffees? I'm afraid I must dash, I'm
an hour late for the Israeli Embassy. (there is a shot; Nigel
slumps over the table, gun in his hand) Er... did you get that
shot all right, sound?
Sound Man: (off screen) Yes, fine.
Timmy: It... it wasn't a bit too wicked, was it? I mean,
it wasn't too cruel?
Tony and Peter: No, no, no. It was great.
Timmy: No, super... well, er... I think it shows I'm
human, don't you?
Tony and Peter: Yes, great.
Timmy: Super, super. Well, the charabanc's here. Go on,
everybody. Bye. (he waves)
(They all troop off after him. Theme music starts to come up,
we pull back and see the camera set-up. Credits start to roll:)
Voice Over: Timmy Wilhams' Coffee Time' was brought to you
live from Woppi's in Holborn.
(Credits continue to roll:)
THEME SCRIPT BY (enormous letters) TIMMY WILLIAMS
ENTIRELY WRITTEN BY (enormous letters) TIMMY WILLIAMS
ADDITIONAL MATERIAL BY: (these go straight through very fast)