(A school hall with a stage. Mr. Praline and Brooky enter.
Praline sits at piano and plays something very badly; Brooky turns
the pages for him. Music ends. Unseen schoolmaster announcer:)
Schoolmaster: 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers'.
(The curtain pans. Enter headmaster in mortar board and gown.)
Headmaster: 'Tis time the seven Smith brothers had brides.
Fetch me Smith Major.
(Enter Smith Major in short pants.)
First Smith: Sir.
Headmaster: 'Tis time you and your six brothers were
First Smith: Thank you, Headmaster.
Headmaster: Fetch me your six brothers, that the seven
brothers may be together.
(Smith Major rings hand bell. Three bays enter and stand next
Boys: Behold, the seven brothers.
Headmaster: Right, I'll see Watson, Wilkins, and Spratt in
my study afterwards.
First Smith: (has to be prompted, then declaims badly)
But where shall we find seven brides for seven brothers?
Second Smith: The Sabine School for Girls.
Third Smith: Yes, and it's the Annual Dance.
Headmaster: Fetch hither the seven brides for seven
(Enter two schoolgirls.)
Two Girls: Behold the seven brides.
Headmaster: Fetch hither the padre that the seven brides
may marry the seven brothers. (nothing happens) Fetch hither
the master on duty that the seven brides may marry the seven
Padre: (entering) Sorry, I'm late, Headmaster -
I've been wrestling with Plato.
Headmaster: What you do in your own time, Padre, is
written on the wall in the vestry.
Padre: Right, do you four boys take these two girls to be
your seven brides?
Boys: Yes, sir.
Padre: Right, go and do your prep.
(The curtain comes across quickly.)