(A school hall with a stage. Mr. Praline and Brooky enter.
Praline sits at piano and plays something very badly; Brooky turns
the pages for him. Music ends. Unseen schoolmaster announcer:)
Schoolmaster: 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers'.
(slight applause)
(The curtain pans. Enter headmaster in mortar board and gown.)
Headmaster: 'Tis time the seven Smith brothers had brides.
Fetch me Smith Major.
(Enter Smith Major in short pants.)
First Smith: Sir.
Headmaster: 'Tis time you and your six brothers were
married.
First Smith: Thank you, Headmaster.
Headmaster: Fetch me your six brothers, that the seven
brothers may be together.
(Smith Major rings hand bell. Three bays enter and stand next
to him.)
Boys: Behold, the seven brothers.
Headmaster: Right, I'll see Watson, Wilkins, and Spratt in
my study afterwards.
First Smith: (has to be prompted, then declaims badly)
But where shall we find seven brides for seven brothers?
Second Smith: The Sabine School for Girls.
Third Smith: Yes, and it's the Annual Dance.
Headmaster: Fetch hither the seven brides for seven
brothers.
(Enter two schoolgirls.)
Two Girls: Behold the seven brides.
Headmaster: Fetch hither the padre that the seven brides
may marry the seven brothers. (nothing happens) Fetch hither
the master on duty that the seven brides may marry the seven
brothers.
Padre: (entering) Sorry, I'm late, Headmaster -
I've been wrestling with Plato.
Headmaster: What you do in your own time, Padre, is
written on the wall in the vestry.
Padre: Right, do you four boys take these two girls to be
your seven brides?
Boys: Yes, sir.
Padre: Right, go and do your prep.
(The curtain comes across quickly.)