(Oak-paneled door with notice on it saying 'Prawn Salad Ltd'.
The butler pushes it open and shows man into living room. The room
is fairly large, containing at one end opposite the door a big
window, making the room look quite high up - although it should be
stately rather than modern. In the middle of the room's back wall
there is a large ornate mirror, over a mantelpiece filled with
objects. To the right of this wall there is a large bookshelf filled
with books, and in front of it there is a drinks trolley.)
Butler: Well, if you'll just wait in here, sir, I'm sure
Mr. Thompson won't keep you waiting long.
Man: Fine. Thanks very much. He picks up a magazine. The
mirror behind him without warning falls off the wall and smashes to
the ground. The butler returns, and looks at the man enquiringly.
Man: The mirror fell off the wall.
Man: The mirror fell off... off the wall... it fell.
Butler: (polite but disbelieving) I see. You'd
better wait here. I'll get a cloth.
(The butler just closes the door behind him and the bookcase
detaches itself from the wall and comes sweeping down, bringing with
it the drinks trolley. The butler opens the door.)
Man: Ah, it ... it came off the wall.
Butler: Yes, sir?
Man: It just came right off the wall.
Butler: Really, sir.
Man: Yes, I ... I didn't touch it.
Butler: (politely ironic) Of course not. It just
fell off the wall.
Man: Yes. It just fell off the wall.
Butler: Don't move. I'll get help.
Man: Yes - er, fell off the wall.
(A maid enters.)
Maid: Oh my God, what a mess. 'Ere, did you do this?
Man: No, no. I didn't do all this. It... it did it all.
Maid: Oh? Well... 'ere, hold this. I'll get started.
(She hands him a dagger.)
Man: Oh, it's jolly nice. What is it?
Maid: It's a Brazilian dagger. Ooops.
(She trips, falls lethally on to the dagger he is holding. She
collapses at his feet. There is blood on the dagger and his hand. He
is looking down at her, when he becomes aware of a man in a green
baize apron at the door, who is looking at him in horror.)
Man: Er, she just fell on ... on to the dagger.
Green: (soothingly) Yes, of course she did, sir.
Man: Yes, just gave me the dagger and tripped, and went,
Green starts backing round the room away from him, but
Green: Yes sir, I understand.
Man: I mean, I didn't er...
Green: Oh no, no, of course not, sir, I understand.
Man: I mean she ... she just, er...
Green: (backs off too far and falls backwards through
the window) Arrghh!
Man: (to window) I'm terribly sorry.
(A policeman and the butler appear at the door.)
Butler: That's him.
Policeman: Right, sir.
Man: Hello, officer. There seems to have been an accident.
Well, several accidents actually.
Policeman: That's right, sir. Would you come this way,
please. (goes towards him) Ahh! (clutches chest) It's
me ... me heart, sir. (collapses)
Butler: You swine. I'll get you for that.
(He is about to move forward when a large portion of the
ceiling collapses on him. He goes down, too.)
Man: Er, I won't wait. I'll phone.
(He moves off through door. Large crashing sounds. He comes
downstairs into a stretch of hall leading to an outside door. As he
comes suits of amour collapse, bookcase glass smashes, a grandfather
dock tips over and smashes, pictures fall off walls. All this quite
quickly in sequence as he passes in horror. He gets to the main
door. We see his relief. He doses the main door behind him, slamming
it: it's a country-house-type entrance. Cut to stock film of country
house being blown up. Cut back to man looking in horror, with dust
and rubble swirling around. He is holding the remains of the door.)