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Monty Python Scripts

Me Doctor

The cast:

Eric Idle
Terry Jones
John Cleese
Carol Cleveland

The sketch:

(Mr. Bertenshaw and his sick wife arrive at a hospital.)

Doctor: Mr. Bertenshaw?

Mr. Bertshaw: Me, Doctor.

Doctor: No, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw.

Mr. Bertshaw: My wife, doctor...

Doctor: No, your wife patient.

Sister: Come with me, please.

Mr. Bertshaw: Me, Sister?

Doctor: No, she Sister, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw.

Nurse: Dr. Walters?

Doctor: Me, nurse...You Mr. Bertenshaw, she Sister, you doctor.

Sister: No, doctor.

Doctor: No Doctor call ambulance, keep warm.

Nurse: Drink, doctor?

Doctor: Drink doctor, eat Sister, cook Mr. Bertenshaw, nurse me!

Nurse: You, doctor?

Doctor: ME doctor!! You Mr. Bertenshaw. She Sister!

Mr. Bertshaw: But my wife, nurse...

Doctor: Your wife not nurse. She nurse, your wife patient. Be patient, she nurse your wife. Me doctor, you tent, you tree, you Tarzan, me Jane, you Trent, you doctor!

Sergeant-Major: Stop this, stop this. What a silly way to carry on. What do you want?

Customer: I wish to register a complaint.

Sergeant-Major: Well, this is a hospital. You want the pet shop.

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