(Cut to historical impersonation sketch. Big zoom in to
linkman. Glittery linkman set, showbizzy music and applause.)
Voice Over: Yes, it's Historical Impersonations.
When you in the present can make those in the past stars of the
future. And here is your host for tonight - Wally Wiggin.
(Caption on screen : 'HISTORICAL IMPERSONATIONS' Fade applause
Wiggin: Hello, good evening and welcome to
Historical Impersonations. And we kick off tonight with Cardinal
Richelieu and his impersonation of Petula Clark.
(Cut to Cardinal Richelieu, he mimes to the phrase from the
Richclieu: 'Don't sleep in the subway darling
and don't stand in the pouring rain'.
Wiggin: Cardinal Richelieu - sixteen stone of
pure man. And now your favorite Roman Emperor Julius Caesar as
(Cut to Caesar, cloud effects behind.)
Caesar: (in Waring voice) Tota gallia
divisa est in tres partes Wigan, Hunslett and Hull Kingston Rovers.
(Cut back to Wiggin.)
Wiggin: Well done indeed, Julius Caesar, a
smile, a conquest and a dagger up your strap. Our next challenger
comes all the way from the Crimea. It's the very lovely Florence
Nightingale as Brian London.
(Florence Nightingale stands them with a lamp, simpering
femininet. A boxing bell goes, slight pause, then she is hit on the
side of the cheek with a boxing glove, and fallls straight on her
back. Cut back to Wiggin)
Wiggin: And now for our most ambitious attempt
tonight - all the way from Moscow in the USS of R - Ivan the
Terrible as a sales assistant in Freeman, Hardy and Willis.
(In a shoe department. Three people are sitting in chain, only
the middle one is a dummy. Ivan the Terrible comes in and splits the
man in the middle in half with an immense two-handed sword: the
model splits in two.)
Wiggin: And now W. G. Grace as a music box.
(Animation: Still picture of W. G. Grace. Slowly his head
starts to revolve as a musical box plays Swiss-type music. Cut back
Wiggin: And now it's France's turn. One of their
top statesmen, Napoleon as the R101 disaster.
(Cut to a sky backgrouned Napoleon comes into frame
horizontally, moving along a wire very slowly. In each hand he has a
small propeller. A sign hangs below his belly saying R101.
Marseillaise plays. As he passes out or shot there is an explosion.)
Wiggin: And now it's request time.
(Cut to Gumby.)
Gumby: I would like to see John the Baptist's
impersonation of Graham Hill.
(A head on a platter is pulled by a string across the floor.
We hear brm, brm, brm, noises. The head of John the Baptist has a
Graham Hill moustache, obviously stuck on. Women's Institute
Wiggin: And now a short intermission during
which Marcel Marceau will impersonate a man walking against the
(Marcel Marceau walks against the wind.)
Wiggin: And now Marcel will mime a man being
struck about the head by a sixteen-ton weight.
(Cut to him starting the mime. He doesn't get very far as a
sixteen-ton wright is dropped on his head. Cut to Wembley crowd