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Monty Python ScriptsAlbatross!The cast:
The sketch:(Cut to corner of cinema. A man in an ice-cream girl's uniform is standing in a spotlight with an ice-cream tray with an albatross on it.) Man: Albatross! Albatross! Albatross! (A customer approaches him.) Customer: Two choc-ices please. Man: I haven't got choc-ices. I only got the albatross. Albatross! Customer: What flavor is it? Man: It's a bird, innit. It's a bloody sea bird . .. it's not any bloody flavor. Albatross! Customer: Do you get wafers with it? Man: Course you don't get bloody wafers with it. Albatross! Customer: How much is it? Man: Ninepence. Customer: I'll have two please. Man: Gannet on a stick. (The camera zooms past back onto the screen. On screen appears another 'Intermission' sign.) First Voice Over: There will now be a very short... (The intermission sign explodes.) We now see a series on animated captions: 'NOW SHOWING AT OTHER DANK CINEMAS' Second Voice Over: The management regrets that it will not be showing a feature film this evening as it eats into the profits' (Cut to the Queen on horseback; first few bars of National Anthem. Cut to Customer sitting in cinema seat clutching albatross.) Customer: Well that's quite enough of that. And now a policeman near Rottingdeans ... Albatross!
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Monty
Python Scripts
