A little man enters, with a beautiful blond buxom woman
dressed very scantily
Arthur: Are you the marriage guidance counselor?
Counselor: Yes. Good morning
Arthur: Good morning, sir
Counselor: (stares at woman, fascinated) And good
morning to you madam (pauses, shrugs himself out of staring and
says to Arthur) Name?
Arthur: Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Pewty
Counselor: (writes without looking down, just stares at
Arthur's wife) And what is the name of your ravishing wife?
(holds her hand) Wait. Don't tell me - it's something to do with
moonlight - it goes with her eyes - it's soft and gentle, warm and
yielding, deeply lyrical and yet tender and frightened like a tiny
Arthur: It's Deidre
Counselor: Deidre. What a beautiful name. What a
beautiful, beautiful name (leans across and lightly brushes his
hand across Deidre's cheek) And what seems to be the trouble
with your marriage Mr. Pewty?
Arthur: Well, it all started about five years ago when we
started going on holiday in Brighton together. Deidre, that's my
wife, has always been a jolly good companion to me and I never
particularly anticipated any marital strife - indeed the very idea
of consulting a professional marital adviser has always been of the
greatest repugnance to me although far be it from me to impugn the
nature of your trade or profession
The counselor and Arthur's wife are not listening, they are
fascinated by each other
Counselor: (realizing Arthur has stopped) Do go on
Arthur: Well, as I say, we've always been good friends,
sharing the interests, the gardening and so on, the model
aeroplanes, the sixpenny bottle for the holiday money, and indeed
twice a month settling down in the evenings doing the accounts,
something which, er, Deidre, Deidre that's my wife, er, particularly
looked forward to on account of her feet (the counselor has his
face very close to Deidre's, so close that they could kiss) I
should probably have said at the outset I'm noted for having
something of a sense of humor, although I have kept myself very much
to myself over the last two years notwithstanding, as it were, and
it's only as comparatively recently that I began to realize - well,
er perhaps realize is not the correct word, er, imagine, that I was
not the only thing in her life
Counselor: (who is practically in a clutch with Deidre)
You suspected your wife?
Arthur: Well yes - at first, frankly yes (the counselor
points Deidre to a screen. She goes behind it) Her behavior did
seem at the time to me, who after all was there to see, to be a
Arthur: Yes well, I mean to a certain extent yes. I'm not
by nature a suspicious person - far from it - though in fact I have
something of a reputation as an after-dinner speaker, if you take my
A piece of Deidre's clothing comes over the top of the screen
Counselor: Yes I certainly do
Deidre's bra and panties come over the screen
Arthur: Anyway in the area where I'm known people in fact
know me extremely well....
Counselor: (taking his jacket off) Oh yes. Would
you hold this
Arthur: Certainly yes (helps him with his jacket. The
counselor continues to undress) Anyway as I said, I decided to
face up to the facts and stop beating about the bush or I'd never
look myself in the bathroom mirror again.
Counselor: (strips down to his shorts) Er, look
would you mind running long for ten minutes? Make it half an hour.
Arthur: No, no right-ho, fine. Yes I'll wait outside shall
I?...(the counselor has already gone behind the screen) Yes,
well that's perhaps the best things. Yes. You've certainly put my
mind at rest on one or two points, there.
Exits through door. Arthur is stopped by a deep southern
Southerner: Now wait there stranger. A man can run and run
for year after year until he realizes that what he's running from
Southerner: A man's got to do what a man's got to do, and
there ain't no sense in runnin'. Now you gotta turn, and you gotta
fight, and you gotta hold your head up high
Southerner: Now you go back in there my son and be a man
Arthur: Yes I will. I will!. I've been pushed around long
enough. This is it. This is your moment Arthur Pewty - this is it
Arthur Pewty. At last you're a man! (open the door very
determined) All right, Deidre, come out of there
Counselor: Go away
Arthur: Right. Right.
Arthur is then hit in the head with a chicken by a man in a
suit of armor.