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Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Scene 21: Don't Go Near the Castle Aarrggh

ARTHUR: There! Look!

LANCELOT: What does it say?

GALAHAD: What language is that?

ARTHUR: Brother Maynard! You are a scholar.

MAYNARD: It's Aramaic!

GALAHAD: Of course! Joseph of Arimathea!

LANCELOT: 'Course!

ARTHUR: What does it say?

MAYNARD: It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaarrrrggh'.

ARTHUR: What?

MAYNARD: '...The Castle of aaarrrrggh'.

BEDEVERE: What is that?

MAYNARD: He must have died while carving it.

LANCELOT: Oh, come on!

MAYNARD: Well, that's what it says.

ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aarrggh'. He'd just say it!

MAYNARD: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!

GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.

ARTHUR: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else?

MAYNARD: No. Just 'aaarrrrggh'.

LANCELOT: Aaaauugggh.

ARTHUR: Aarrrggh.

BEDEVERE: Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?

GALAHAD: Where's that?

BEDEVERE: France, I think.

LANCELOT: Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall?

ARTHUR: No, that's 'Saint Ives'.

LANCELOT: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives.

KNIGHTS: Iiiiives.

BEDEVERE: Oooohoohohooo!

LANCELOT: No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh.

BEDEVERE: N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm.

LANCELOT: Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'!

BEDEVERE: Yes, but I-- aaaaaah!

ARTHUR: Oooh!

GALAHAD: My God!

[dramatic chord]

[roar]

MAYNARD: It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh!

[Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh eats BROTHER MAYNARD]

BEDEVERE: That's it! That's it!

ARTHUR: Run away!

KNIGHTS: Run away!

[roar]

Run away! Run awaaay! Run awaaaaay!

[roar]

Keep running!

[boom]

[roar]

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!...

BEDEVERE: We've lost him.

[roar]

KNIGHTS: Aagh!

NARRATOR: As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack.

ANIMATOR: Ulk!

[thump]

NARRATOR: The cartoon peril was no more. The quest for Holy Grail could continue.

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