Monty Python and The Holy GrailScene 21: Don't Go Near the Castle AarrgghARTHUR: There! Look! LANCELOT: What does it say? GALAHAD: What language is that? ARTHUR: Brother Maynard! You are a scholar. MAYNARD: It's Aramaic! GALAHAD: Of course! Joseph of Arimathea! LANCELOT: 'Course! ARTHUR: What does it say? MAYNARD: It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of aaarrrrggh'. ARTHUR: What? MAYNARD: '...The Castle of aaarrrrggh'. BEDEVERE: What is that? MAYNARD: He must have died while carving it. LANCELOT: Oh, come on! MAYNARD: Well, that's what it says. ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aarrggh'. He'd just say it! MAYNARD: Well, that's what's carved in the rock! GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating. ARTHUR: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else? MAYNARD: No. Just 'aaarrrrggh'. LANCELOT: Aaaauugggh. ARTHUR: Aarrrggh. BEDEVERE: Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue? GALAHAD: Where's that? BEDEVERE: France, I think. LANCELOT: Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall? ARTHUR: No, that's 'Saint Ives'. LANCELOT: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives. KNIGHTS: Iiiiives. BEDEVERE: Oooohoohohooo! LANCELOT: No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh. BEDEVERE: N-- no. No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', in surprise and alarm. LANCELOT: Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'! BEDEVERE: Yes, but I-- aaaaaah! ARTHUR: Oooh! GALAHAD: My God! [dramatic chord] [roar] MAYNARD: It's the legendary Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh! [Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh eats BROTHER MAYNARD] BEDEVERE: That's it! That's it! ARTHUR: Run away! KNIGHTS: Run away! [roar] Run away! Run awaaay! Run awaaaaay! [roar] Keep running! [boom] [roar] Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!... BEDEVERE: We've lost him. [roar] KNIGHTS: Aagh! NARRATOR: As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack. ANIMATOR: Ulk! [thump] NARRATOR: The cartoon peril was no more. The quest for Holy Grail could continue.
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Holy
Grail Scripts