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Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Scene 17: How to Find that Perfect Shrubbery

[King Arthur music]

[clop clop clop]

[rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr!]

ARTHUR: Old crone!

[rewr!]

[music stops]

Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?

[dramatic chord]

OLD CRONE: Who sent you?

ARTHUR: The Knights Who Say 'Ni'.

CRONE: Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.

ARTHUR: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'.

CRONE: Agh! Do your worst!

ARTHUR: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni!

CRONE: No! Never! No shrubberies!

ARTHUR: Ni!

CRONE: [cough]

BEDEVERE: Nu!

ARTHUR: No, no, no, no, i--

BEDEVERE: Nu!

ARTHUR: No, it's not that. It's 'ni'.

BEDEVERE: Nu!

ARTHUR: No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No.

BEDEVERE: Ni!

ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: Ni!

ARTHUR: That's it. That's it. You've got it.

ARTHUR and BEDEVERE: Ni!

CRONE: Ohh!

BEDEVERE: Ni!

ARTHUR: Ni!

CRONE: Agh!

BEDEVERE: Ni!

ARTHUR: Ni!

BEDEVERE: Ni!

ARTHUR: Ni!

BEDEVERE: Ni!

ROGER THE SHRUBBER: Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?

ARTHUR: Erm,... yes.

ROGER: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.

ARTHUR: Did you say 'shrubberies'?

ROGER: Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is 'Roger the Shrubber'. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

BEDEVERE: Ni!

ARTHUR: No! No, no, no! No!

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