Monty Python Scripts

Boxing Match Aftermath

The cast:

MR GABRIELLO

Michael Palin

SECOND ASSISTANT

Eric Idle

BLACK MAN

Terry Gilliam

FIRST REPORTER

Terry Jones

SECOND REPORTER

Carol Cleveland

The sketch:

Animation: Ends with a poster `Boxing Tonite! The Killer vs. The Champ. 15 Rounds'.

Cut to a dressing room at Madison Square Gardens, table, chairs, towels, and the usual paraphernalia. Noise of a crowd outside. The door opens and in comes Mr. Gabriello, and two assistants carrying a boxer on a stretcher. Smoke, action, excitement come in with them.

Mr. Gabriello: That was a great fight, Champ, a great fight, you hear! Oh boy, what a fight, Champ, what a great fight! You nearly had him, Champ, you nearly had him ... where's his head?

First Assistant: I got it in here, Mr. Gabriello.

He holds up a carrier bag. gabriello goes over to it, looks inside and shouts into it.

Mr. Gabriello: You were great, Champ, d'you hear, you were great!

First Assistant: (looking in the bag) He's got a nasty cut over his eye.

Mr. Gabriello: Yeah, I think it was a mistake him wearing spectacles. (gives the bag o the assistant) Oh well, get that sewn onto his body in time for the press pictures.

First Assistant: OK, Mr. Gabriello.

Mr. Gabriello: (to second assistant) Wasn't he great my boy?

Second Assistant: He was great, Mr. Gabriello.

Mr. Gabriello: The way he kept fighting after his head came off!

Second Assistant: He was better when the head came off, Mr. Gabriello. He was really dodging the guy.

Mr. Gabriello: Yeah, I reckon that if he could've lasted till the end of that first minute, he would've had the Killer worried.

Second Assistant: Sure, Mr. Gabriello.

Mr. Gabriello: Oh he was great. Did you see his left arm?

Second Assistant: No!

Mr. Gabriello: OK, we'll look around the hall after everybody's gone.

Second Assistant: Do you realize Mr. Gabriello, some of those guys out there paid over $2,000 for a ringside seat.

Mr. Gabriello: And where did the head land? Right at the back, that's justice... (the door opens; a black cleaner comes in) What d'you want?

The cleaner holds up a carrier bag.

Black Man: This your boy's head?

Mr. Gabriello: No, no, we've got his head. He ain't hurt that bad.

Second Assistant: (looking in the bag) Hey, that's Gerry Marinello. He fought the Killer last week.

Mr. Gabriello: OK, give it to me. I'm seeing his trainer tomorrow. I'll give it to him.

The cleaner is ushered out.

Second Assistant: Hey, Mr. Gabriello. The press is still outside. Are you ready for them?

Mr. Gabriello: How's the Champ?

First Assistant: (working away with needle and thread) Well, the head's on OK. But there's still a left arm missing.

Mr. Gabriello: OK, well keep the dressing gown kinda loose, OK. (Gabriello goes to door and opens it) OK boys, come on in!

The press surge in. The fighter is propped up.

First Reporter: Hey Mr. Gabriello, Mr. Gabriello. Did you expect your boy to last the full twenty-eight seconds?

Mr. Gabriello: This boy has never let me down. He's the pluckiest goddamn fighter I've ever trained.

Second Reporter: Were you worried when his head started to come loose?

Mr. Gabriello: No, no, we were expecting that. I told them to expect it to and it did. He ain't stupid.

First Reporter: Hey, can we have a word with the Champ?

Mr. Gabriello: Yeah OK. But keep the questions simple.

First Reporter: Hey Champ! How're you feeling?

Mr. Gabriello: (angrily) I said keep the questions simple!

Second Reporter: Mr. Gabriello. People are saying that the kid ought to be buried. His head's come off in the last six fights.

Mr. Gabriello: There's no question of burying the kid. He's just reaching the top.

Second Reporter: Well, shouldn't he just stay in hospital?

Mr. Gabriello: No, he ain't going to no hospital. He's got the return fight next week.

Shot of the `New York Times' headline `Champ to be kept alive for big return'.

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