A high street. Musical theme played on a banjo à la `Steptoe
and Son' opening. Cut to a tracking shot of two tramps walking
jauntily along. They are very arch, over-the-top jolly fellows. They
nod at the occasional passer-by and do mock bows to a city gent.
CAPTION: Up Your Pavement
CAPTION: By the Rev. and Mrs. A. G. Phipps
CAPTION: From an idea by Lord Carrington
They come to a litter bin, root in it, and one of them
produces a newspaper. He hands it to the other, looks in again and
brings out a pork pie. He looks in again, his eyes light up, and he
produces a bottle of champagne. He passes it to his mate. He looks
in again and finds two highly polished glasses. Meanwhile over all
this and as they set off down the road together we hear:
Voice Over: Taking life as it comes, sharing the good
things and the bad things, finding laughter and fun wherever they go
-- it is with these two happy-go-lucky rogues that our story begins.
(by this time the tramps have walked out of shot; cut to a shot
of a sports car up on the pavement with the legs of the two tramps
sticking out from underneath; the music turns more urgent and
transatlantic) For it is they who were run over by Alex Diamond
... (appropriate music; a James Bond character climbs out of the
car and looks down at the dead tramps) international crime
fighter ... (shot of him rushing into a film première past
photographers with flashing bulbs) and playboy ... (cut to
him on yacht) fast-moving ... tough-talking ... (still of him
with Henry Kissinger; cut to him striding down a street) and
just one of the many hundreds of famous people who suffer from
lumbago, the epidemic disease about which no one knows more than
this man ... (we see him go into a doorway; cut to a low angle
close up of Dr Koning donning gloves prior to the operation; the
music changes to the Kildare theme) Dr Emile Koning ... doctor
... surgeon ... proctologist ... and selfless fighter against human
suffering, whose doorbell (cut to a doorbell and pan down)
was the one above the hero of our story tonight ... (pan down to
find the doorbell and name) Rear-Admiral Humphrey De Vere!
(the door opens and the rear-admiral comes striding out; naval
music; he walks up the road) Yes! This is the story of
Rear-Admiral Humphrey De Vere ... or rather, the story of his
daughter ... (cut to a still of a young inspired and devoted
nurse; the music instantly changes to the heroic) For it was her
courage, foresight and understanding that enabled us to probe
beneath the sophisticated veneer of ... (mix to impressive
college grounds) the Royal Arsenal Women's College, Bagshot ...
(zoom in across lawns towards the college building) and learn
the true story of this man ... (the camera suddenly veers off
away from college and homes in on a solitary bush from which appears
a seedy fellow in a terrible lightweight suit of several years ago
that has got all stained and creased around the crutch) Len
Hanky! Chiropodist, voyeur, hen-teaser. The man of whom the chairman
of Fiat once said...
Chairman: Che cosa è lo succiacatori do polli?
CAPTION: What is a hen-teaser?
The phone rings. He answers it dynamically and we zoom in on
his tense, alert, executive face.
Voice Over: Yes! Tonight we examine the career of Gino
Agnelli! The man who started from nothing to build up one of the
greatest firms in Europe. (mix through to stock film of a big
car-producing plant) And whose telescope was bought from the
shop part-owned by a man who, at the age of eight, stole a penknife
from the son of this man's brother's housekeeper's dental
hygienist's uncle. (as each of these things is mentioned we see a
momentary flash of a still of each) The Reverend Charlie `Drooper'
Hyper-Squawk Smith (at this point the freeze frame starts moving
as the chaplain lifts himself out of the cockpit and jumps down
beside his Spitfire) the cleft-palated RAF chaplain, who
single-handed shot down over five hundred German chaplains.
(smiling cheerfully he crosses off another emblem of a vicar in a
German helmet on the side of the plane. Beside this is written
``Here we come Kraut'' Luke 17, verse 3) This is the story of
the men who flew with him ... it really is!