CAPTION: 'A PARTY POLITICAL BROADCAST ON BEHALF OF THE
CONSERVATIVE AND UNIONIST PARTY'
Voice Over: There now follows a Party Political Broadcast
on behalf of the Conservative and Unionist Party.
(Cut to a politician sitting on a chair. He is in fact in a
rehearsal room, but we don't see this for the first six lines.)
Politician: Good evening. Figures talk. We have already
fulfilled over three of our election pledges before the end of our
second year of good Conservative rule. And, what is more (gets up
and starts to do dancing movements as he speaks) We hope ...
that in the aut-tumn we shall int-ro-duce leg-is-lat-tion in the
House to bene-fit all those in low-er in-come groups. And
fur-ther-more we hope...
(Enter a choreographer.)
Choreographer: No, no, no, no... look, luv, it's and...
(does the movements) one and two and three and four, and five
and six and seven and down.
Politician: (trying the last bit) ... five and six
and seven and down... it's so much harder with the words.
Choreographer: Well, don't think of them. Just count four
in your head.
Politician: And ... one and fur-ther two and three and ...
no, I can't really...
Choreographer: Yes, well come on and do it with me, come
on. And ...
Both: Fur-ther-more we hope that we can stop the ris-ing
(they finish up with finger on chin, as in a thirties musical)
Choreographer: And point 'unemployment' with your finger.
Politician: I see. I can do it when you're here.
Choreographer: I won't be far away. All right, Neville
love, we're going from 'unemployment' through 'pensions' into 'good
government is strong government' and the walk down, all fight? And
... cue, love.
Politician: And fur-ther-more we hope that we can stop the
n's-ing un-em-ploy-ment at a stroke or e-yen quick-er.
(Enter a line of six male dancers, doing high kicks and a
Dancers: And so when you get a chance to vote, Kind-ly
vote Con-ser-va-tive. (the politician joins in) Rising
prices, unemployment, Both stem from the wages spiral Curb
inflation, save the nation, Join us now and save the economy.
(They give an awful wave and cheesecake smile at the end, and
Choreographer: That's where you'll get the bunting and the
ticker tape, Chris. Right, big smiles, everybody, remember you're
cabinet ministers. And relax. (only now do they stop smiling and
waving) Lovely, it's trans at eight, so nobody be late.
(The camera crabs away. Through an open door it passes we see
two Labour MPs, one on points, the other walking around with his
hands on his hips. They are in leotards and dancers' leg warmers.)
Labor MPs: We in the Lab-our Par-ty have al-ways made our
po-si-tion quite clear·.. we have al-ways been op-posed to...
(The camera continues to crab away. It coma to a door which
says 'Star' on it. We zoom into this and mix through to:)
ANIMATION: Wilson and Heath dance to 'The Dance of the Sugar Plum