(Mystico removes his cloak, gloves and top hat and hands them
to Janet, who curtsies. He then makes several passes. Cut to stock
film of fiats falling down reversed so that they leap up. Cut back
to Mystico and Janet. She hands him back his things as they make
their way to their car, a little Austin 30.)
Voice Over: The local Council here have over fifty
hypnosis-induced twenty-five storey blocks, put up by El Mystico and
Janet. I asked Mr. Ken Verybigliar the advantages of hypnosis
compared to other building methods.
(Cut to a man in a drab suit.)
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'MR K. V. B. LIAR'
Mr. Verybigliar: (MICHAEL) Well there is a considerable
financial advantage in using the services of El Mystico. A block,
like Mystico Point here, (indicating a high-rise block behind
him) would normally cost in the region of one-and-a-half million
pounds. This was put up for five pounds and thirty bob for Janet.
Voice Over: But the obvious question is are they safe?
(Cut to an architect's office. The architect at his desk.
Behind him on the wall are framed photos of various collapsed
buildings. He is a well-dressed authoritative person.)
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'MR CLEMENT ONAN, ARCHITECT TO THE COUNCIL'
Architect: Of course they're safe. There's absolutely no
doubt about that. They are as ,strong, solid and as safe as any
other building method in this country provided of course people
believe in them.
(Cut to a council fiat. On the wall there is a picture of
Tenant: Yes, we received a note from the Council saying
that if we ceased to believe in this building it would fall down.
Voice Over: You don't mind living in a figment of another
Tenant: No, it's much better than where we used to live.
Voice Over: Where did you used to live?
Tenant: We had an eighteen-roomed villa overlooking Nice.
Voice Over: Really, that sounds much better.
Tenant: Oh yes - yes you're right.
(Cut to stock shot of block falling down in slow motion. Cut
back to tenant and wife inside. Camera shaking and on the tilt.)
Tenant: No, no, no, of course not.
(Cut to stock film again. The building rights itself. Cut back
to interior again. Camera slightly on tilt. They are holding bits of
Tenant: Phew, that was close.
(Cut to tracking shot from back of camera car again. This time
El Mystico striding through the towering blocks, his cloak swirling
Voice Over: But the construction of these vast new housing
developments, providing homes for many thousands of people, is not
the only project to which he has applied his many talents. He also
has an Infallible Pools Method, a School of Spanish Dancing and a
Car Hire Service. (cut to Mystico at wheel of his little Austin
30, his amazing eyes riveted on the road ahead; Janet occasiona1ly
tactfully guides the steering wheel) What is the driving force
behind a man of such restless energies, and boundless vision? Here
as with so many great men of history, the answer lies in a woman ..,
(the camera pans over on to Janet and starts to zoom in on her as
she watches the road ahead; cut to a nineteenth-century engraving of
Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra) As Antony has his Cleopatra
,.. (cut to picture of Napoleon and Josephine) as Napoleon
has his Josephine ... (cut to Janet lying on a bed in , negligee
in a rather seedy hotel) So Mystico has his Janet.
(Mystico leaps from top of the wardrobe on to the bed with a
lusty yell. Cut to montage of black and white photos of Janet in
various stage poses: three poses against black drapes; one against a
building; one posed outside a terrace house with notice reading
'School of Spanish Dancing- Dentures Repaired'.)
Voice Over: Yes. Janet ... a quiet, shy girl. An honors
graduate from Harvard University, American junior sprint record
holder, ex-world skating champion, Nobel Prize winner, architect,
novelist and surgeon. The girl who helped crack the Oppenheimer spy
ring in 1947. She gave vital evidence to the Senate Narcotics
Commission in 1958. She also helped to convict the woman at the
chemist's in 1961, and a year later (cut to Janet shaking hands
with a police commissioner) she gave police information which
led to the arrest of her postman. In October of that same year
(cut to photo of Janet with a judge and a policeman standing on
either side of her smiling at the camera) she secured the
conviction of her gardener for bigamy and three months later
personally led the police swoop (cut to Janet in a street with
goggles of policemen clustering round her grinning at the camera and
two people obviously naked with blankets thrown over them) on
the couple next door. In 1967 she became suspicious of the man at
the garage (cut to a photo of a petrol attendant filling a car)
and it was her dogged perseverance and relentless enquiries
(another rather fuzzy photo of the man at the garage peering through
the window of cash kiosk) that two years later finally secured
his conviction for not having a license for his car radio. (final
photo of five police, Janet and the man from the garage in handcuffs
all posing for the camera) He was hanged at Leeds a year later
(cut to Janet posing outside a prison) despite the abolition
of capital punishment and the public outcry. Also in Leeds that
year, a local butcher was hanged (cut to a blurred family snap of
a butcher in an apron with a knife) for defaulting on mortgage
repayments, and a Mr. Jarvis (photo) was electrocuted for
shouting in the corridor.