Monty Python Scripts

Burying the Cat

The cast:

MRS. CONCLUSION

Graham Chapman

MRS. PREMISE

John Cleese

The sketch:

Mrs. Conclusion : Hullo, Mrs. Premise.

Mrs. Premise : Hullo, Mrs. Conclusion.

Conclusion: Busy Day?

Premise: Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat.

Conclusion: *Four hours* to bury a cat?

Premise: Yes - it wouldn't keep still.

Conclusion: Oh - it wasn't dead, then?

Premise: No, no - but it's not at all well, so as we were going to be on the safe side.

Conclusion: Quite right - you don't want to come back from Sorrento to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. We're going to have to have our budgie put down.

Premise: Really - is it very old?

Conclusion: No, we just don't like it. We're going to take it to the vet tomorrow.

Premise: Tell me, how do they put budgies down, then?

Conclusion: Well, it's funny you should ask that, because I've just been reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and apparently you can either hit them with the book, or you can shoot them just there, just above the beak.

Premise: Just there? Well, well, well. 'Course, Mrs. Essence flushed hers down the loo.

Conclusion: No, you shouldn't do that - no, that's dangerous. They *breed* in the *sewers*!

Monty Python Scripts

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