Monty Python ScriptsAnne Elk's Theory on BrontosaurusesThe cast:
The sketch:Presenter: Good evening. Tonight: "dinosaurs". I have here, sitting in the studio next to me, an elk. Ahhhh!!! Oh, I'm sorry! Anne Elk - Mrs. Anne Elk Anne Elk: Miss! Presenter: Miss Anne Elk, who is an expert on di... Anne Elk: N' n' n' n' no! Anne Elk! Presenter: What? Anne Elk: Anne Elk, not Anne Expert! Presenter: No! No, I was saying that you, Miss Anne Elk, were an , A-N not A-N-N-E, expert... Anne Elk: Oh! Presenter: ...on elks - I'm sorry, on dinosaurs. I'm ... Anne Elk: Yes, I certainly am, Chris. How very true. My word yes. Presenter: Now, Miss Elk - Anne - you have a new theory about the brontosaurus. Anne Elk: Can I just say here, Chris for one moment, that I have a new theory about the brontosaurus? Presenter: Uh... Exactly... What is it? Anne Elk: Where? Presenter: No! No, what is your theory? Anne Elk: What is my theory? Presenter: Yes! Anne Elk: What is my theory that it is? Yes. Well, you may well ask what is my theory. Presenter: I am asking. Anne Elk: And well you may. Yes, my word, you may well ask what it is, this theory of mine. Well, this theory, that I have, that is to say, which is mine,... is mine. Presenter: I know it's yours! What is it? Anne Elk: ... Where? ... Oh! Oh! What is my theory? Presenter: Yes! Anne Elk: Ahh! My theory, that I have, follows the lines that I am about to relate. (starts prolonged throat clearing) Presenter: (under breath) Oh, God! (Anne still clearing throat) Anne Elk: The Theory, by A. Elk (that's "A" for Anne", it's not by a elk.) Presenter: Right... Anne Elk: (clears throat) This theory, which belongs to me, is as follows... (more throat clearing) This is how it goes... (clears throat) The next thing that I am about to say is my theory. (clears throat) Ready? Presenter: (whimpers) Anne Elk: The Theory, by A. Elk (Miss). My theory is along the following lines... Presenter: (under breath) God! Anne Elk: ...All brontosauruses are thin at one end; much, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I have and which is mine and what it is, too. Presenter: That's it, is it? Anne Elk: Right, Chris! Presenter: Well, Anne, this theory of yours seems to have hit the nail right on the head. Anne Elk: ... and it's mine. Presenter: Thank you for coming along to the studio. Anne Elk: My pleasure, Chris. Presenter: Britain's newest wasp farm... Anne Elk: It's been a lot of fun... Presenter: ...opened last week... Anne Elk: ...saying what my theory is... Presenter: ... Yes, thank you. Anne Elk: ...and whose it is. Presenter: Yes.... opened last week... Anne Elk: I have another theory. Presenter: Not today, thank you. Anne Elk: My theory #2, which is the second theory that I have. (clears throat). This theory... Presenter: Look! Shut up! Anne Elk: ...is what I am about to say. Presenter: Please shut up! Anne Elk: which, with what I have said, are the two theories that are mine and which belong to me. Presenter: If you don't shut up, I shall have to shoot you! Anne Elk: (clears throat) My theory, which I posses the ownership of, which belongs to... (Sound of a single gun shot) Anne Elk: (clearing throat) The Theory the Second, by Anne... (Sound of prolonged machine gun fire)
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