(Cut to late-night line-up setting. Interviewer and
interviewee.)
Padget: Martin Curry, welcome. One of the big teeth... big
points that the American critics made about your latest film, 'The
Twelve Caesars', was that it was on so all-embracing a topic. What
made you undertake so enormous a tusk... task?
(We now see that his interviewee has two enormous front
teeth.)
Curry: Well I've always been interested in Imperial Rome
from Julius Caesar right through to Vethpathian.
Padget: Who?
Curry: Vethpathian.
Padget: Ah! Vespasian.
Curry: Yes.
Padget: When I saw your film it did seem to me that you
had taken a rather, urn, subjective approach to it.
Curry: I'm sorry?
Padget: Well, I mean all your main characters had these
enormous ... well not enormous, these very big ... well let's have a
look at a clip in which Julius Incisor .... Caesar talks to his
generals during the baffle against Caractacus.
Curry: I don't see that at all.
(Film: interior of a tent; generals around a table.)
Labienus: (with relatively enormous front teeth)
Shall I order the cavalry that they may hide themselves in the wood,
O Caesar?
All: (with very large front teeth) Thus O Caesar.
Julius: (with amazingly large front teeth) Today is
about to be a triumph for our native country.
(Back to interview set.)
Padget: Martin Curry, why do all your characters have
these very big er ... very big um ... teeth?
Curry: What do you mean?
Padget: Well, I mean, er... and even in your biblical
epic, 'The Son of Man', John the Baptist had the most enormous ...
dental appendages ... and of course ... himself had the most
monumental ivories.
Curry: No, I'm afraid I don't see that at all. (picks
up glass of water but can't get it to his mouth) Could I have a
straw?
Padget: Oh, a straw, yes, yes. Well while we're doing that
perhaps we could take another look at an earlier film, 'Trafalgar'.
(Between decks. Nelson lying among others. They all have
enormous teeth.)
Nelson: Cover my coat, Mr. Bush, the men must not know of
this till victory is ours.
Toad: The surgeon's coming, sir.
Nelson: No, tell the surgeon to attend the men that can be
saved. He can do little for me, I fear.
Toad: Aye, aye, sir.
Nelson: Hardy! Hardy!
Hardy: Sir?
Nelson: Hardy...' kiss... er ... put your hand on my
thigh.
(Back to interview set. Curry is sitting practically upside
down, trying to drink water with much difficulty)
Padget: Martin Curry, thank you. Well. We asked the
first-night audience what they thought of that film.
(Cut to vox pops.)