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Monty Python ScriptsRegistrar (Wife Swap)The cast:
The sketch:(We see a man coming through a door with a neat little bride in a bridal dress. The man walks up to the registrar who is sitting at his desk with a sign saying 'Registrar of Marriages '.) Man: Good morning. Registrar: Good morning. Man: Are you the registrar? Registrar: I have that function. Man: I was here on Saturday, getting married to a blond girl, and I'd like to change please. I'd like to have this one instead please. Registrar: What do you mean? Man: Er, well, the other one wasn't any good, so I'd like to swap it for this one, please. Er, I have paid. I paid on Saturday. Here's the ticket. (gives him the marriage license.) Registrar: Ah, oh, no. That was when you were married. Man: Er, yes. That was when I was married to the wrong one. I didn't like the color. This is the one I want to have, so if you could just change the forms round I can take this one back with me now. Registrar: I can't do that. Man: Look, make it simpler, I'll pay again. Registrar: No, you can't do that. Man: Look, all I want you to do is change the wife, say the words, blah, blab, blah, back to my place, no questions asked. Registrar: I'm sorry sir, but we're not allowed to change. Man: You can at Harrods. Registrar: You can't. Man: You can. I changed my record player and there wasn't a grumble. Registrar: It's different. Man: And I changed my pet snake, and I changed my Robin Day tie. Registrar: Well, you can't change a bloody wife! Man: Oh, all right! Well, can I borrow one for the weekend. Registrar: No! Man: Oh, blimey, I only wanted a jolly good... (A whistle blows. A referee runs on, takes his book out and proceeds to take the name of the man in the registry office, amidst protests.) Referee: All right, break it up. What's your number, then? All right. Name? Man: Cook. (Cut to the two in the next sketch waiting. Cut back to referee, who finishes booking the man and blows his whistle. The show continues... )
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Monty
Python Scripts
