Monty Python Scripts

Today in Parliament / The News for Wombats

The cast:

VOICE OVER

Terry Jones

CYRIL

Eric Idle

NARRATOR

Michael Palin

The sketch:

(Man sitting at a desk; the set behind him says 'Today in Parliament'.)

Cyril: In the debate a spokesman accused the Government of being silly and doing not at all gbod things. The member accepted this in a spirit of healthy criticism, but denied that he'd ever been naughty with a choirboy. Angry shouts of 'what about the watermelon, then?' were ordered by the Speaker to be stricken from the record and put into a brown paper bag in the lavvy. Any further interruptions would be cut off and distributed amongst the poor. For the Government a Front Bench Spokesman said the agricultural tariff would have to be raised, and he fancied a bit. Furthermore, he argued, this would give a large boost to farmers, and a lot of fun to him, his friend and Miss Moist of Knightsbridge. From the back benches there were opposition shouts of 'postcards for sale' and a healthy cry of 'who likes a sailor, then?' from the Minister without Portfolio. Replying, the Shadow Minister said, he could no longer deny the rumors but he and the dachshund were very happy; and, in any case, he argued, rhubarb was cheap and what was the harm in a sauna bath.

(Cut to narrator. Caption on screen: '7 HOURS LATER')

Narrator: ... were not involved. The Minister of Technology (cut to photograph of minister with a wombat on his shoulder) met the three Russian leaders today (Russian leaders again all with wombats on their shoulders) to discuss a £4 million airliner deal. None of them were indigenous to Australia, carried their babies in pouches or ate any of those yummy eucalyptus leaves. Yum, yum. That's the news for wornbats, and now Attila the Bun!

Monty Python Scripts

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