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Monty Python ScriptsTobacconists (Prostitute Advert)The cast:
The sketch:(Camera closes in on a small ad, which is one of many on the door of a small newsagent's shop. A shabby man is running an evil eye down the adverts, puzzling, looking for something. He walks up to the counter. He has a reflex wink.) Customer: Good morning. Shopkeeper: Good morning, sir. Can I help you? Customer: Help me? Yeah, I'll say you can help me. Shopkeeper: Yes, sir? Customer: I come about your advert - 'Small white pussy cat for sale. Excellent condition'. Shopkeeper: Ah. You wish to buy it? Customer: That's right. Just for the hour. Only I ain't gonna pay more'n a fiver cos it ain't worth it. Shopkeeper: Well it's come from a very good home - it's house trained. Customer: (long think, goes to door, looks at ads again) Chest of drawers? Chest. Drawers. I'd like some chest of drawers please. Shopkeeper: Yes, sir. Customer: Does it go? Shopkeeper: Er, it's over there in the corner. (indicates a wooden chest of drawers) Customer: Oh. (goes to door, runs his finger down the list of adverts) Pram for sale. Any offers. I'd like a bit of pram please. Shopkeeper: Ah yes, sir. That's in good condition. Customer: Oh good, I like them in good condition, eh? Eh? Shopkeeper: Yes, here it is you see. (picks up pram) Customer: (looks, pauses, goes back to the door, runs finger again) Babysitter. No, it's a babysitter. Babysitter? Shopkeeper: Babysitter. Customer: Babysitter - I don't want a babysitter. Be a blood donor - that's it. I'd like to give some blood please, argh! (shopkeeper shakes head) Oh spit. Which one is it? (shopkeeper slips him a card from out of his pocket) Blond prostitute will indulge in any sexual activity for four quid a week. What does that mean?
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Monty
Python Scripts
