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Monty Python Scripts

Living Room on Pavement

The cast:

Michael Palin
Graham Chapman
Eric Idle

The sketch:

(A working-class lounge is arranged on the pavement. There are no walls, just the furnishings: settee, two armchairs, sideboard, table, standard lamp, a tiled fireplace with ornaments on it. There is also a free-standing inside door. Mr. and Mrs. Potter come out of the cinema and go straight to their chairs and sit down. Passers-by have to skirt the living-room furniture.)

Mrs. Potter: (settling into her chair) Oh, it's nice to be home.

Mr. Potter: (looking round) Builders haven't been then.

Mrs. Potter: No.

(A trendy interviewer with hand mike comes into shot.)

Interviewer: These two old people are typical of the housing problem facing Britain's aged.

Mrs. Potter: Here! Don't you start doing a documentary on us, young man.

Interviewer: Oh please ...

Mrs. Potter: No, you leave us alone!

Interviewer: Oh, just a little one about the appalling conditions under which you live.

Mrs. Potter: No! Get out of our house! Go on!

(Interviewer turns, motions to his cameraman and soundman and they all trail off miserably)

Cameraman: Oh all fight. Come on, George, pick it up.

Mrs. Potter: Why don't you do a documentary about the drug problem round in Walton Street?

(Cut to the camera crew. They stop, turn and mutter 'a drug problem!' and they dash off.)

Mrs. Potter: Oh, I'll go and have a bath.

(She goes to the free-standing door and opens it. Beyond it we see the furnishings of a bathroom. In the bath is Alfred Lord Tennyson, fully clad As she opens the door we hear him reading...

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