Monty Python Scripts

A Bishop Rehearsing

The cast:

BISHOP

Michael Palin

MR. CHIGGER

Terry Jones

SECRETARY

Carol Cleveland

The sketch:

(Animated titles. Cut back to the same group of animals minus the elk. Birdsong etc. The elk's remains are smoldering. The owl explodes, Pan away from the woodland clearing to an open field in which at a distance a bishop in full miter and robes is pacing up and down holding a script. Mr. Chigger in a suit approaches the bishop and we zoom in to hear their conversation.)

Bishop: 'Oh Mr. Belpit your legs are so swollen' ... swollen .. 'Oh Mr. Belpit - oh Mr. Belpit your legs are so swollen'. (tries a different voice) 'Oh Mr. Belpit., .'

Mr. Chigger: Excuse me, excuse me. I saw your advertisement for flying lessons and I'd like to make an application.

Bishop: Nothing to do with me. I'm not in this show.

Mr. Chigger: Oh I see. D'you ... d'you., . do you know about the flying lessons?

Bishop: Nothing to do with me. I'm not in this show. This is show five - I'm not in until show eight.

Mr. Chigger: Oh I see.

Bishop: I'm just learning my lines, you know. 'Oh Mr. Belpit, your legs...'

Mr. Chigger: Bit awkward, I'm a bit stuck.

Bishop: Yes, well. Try over there.

(Bishop points to a secretary some yards away sitting at a desk typing. She wears glasses and is very typically a secretary.)

Mr. Chigger: Oh yes, thanks. Thanks a lot.

Bishop: 'Oh Mr. Belpit' - not at all - 'your legs are so swollen'.

(he continues rehearsing as Mr. Chigger moves over to the secretary)

(Sketch continues...)

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