(In the country we an Interviewer, with microphone. Behind him
a man sits on a wall, with clip-board, binoculars and spotting
Interviewer: Good evening. Tonight we're going to take a
hard tough abrasive look at camel spotting. Hello.
Spotter: Hello Peter.
Interviewer: Now tell me, what exactly are you doing?
Spotter: Er well, I'm camel spotting. I'm spotting to see
if there are any camels that I can spot, and put them down in my
camel spotting book.
Interviewer: Good. And how many camels have you spotted so
Spotter: Oh, well so far Peter, up to the present moment,
I've spotted nearly, ooh, nearly one.
Interviewer: Nearly one?
Spotter: Er, call it none.
Interviewer: Fine. And er how long have you been here?
Spotter: Three years.
Interviewer: So, in, er, three years you've spotted no
Spotter: Yes in only three years. Er, I tell a lie, four,
be fair, five. I've been camel spotting for just the seven years.
Before that of course I was a Yeti Spotter.
Interviewer: A Yeti Spotter, that must have been extremely
Spotter: Oh, it was extremely interesting, very, very -
quite... it was dull; dull, dull, dull, oh God it was dull. Sitting
in the Waterloo waiting room. Course once you've seen one Yeti
you've seen them all.
Interviewer: And have you seen them all?
Spotter: Well I've seen one. Well a little one... a
picture of a... I've heard about them.
Interviewer: Well, now tell me, what do you do when you
spot a camel?
Spotter: Er, I take its number.
Interviewer: Camels don't have numbers.
Spotter: Ah, well you've got to know where to look. Er,
they're on the side of the engine above the piston box.
Spotter: Ah - of course you've got to make sure it's not a
dromedary. 'Cos if it's a dromedary it goes in the dromedary book.
Interviewer: Well how do you tell if it's a dromedary?
Spotter: Ah well, a dromedary has one hump and a camel has
a refreshment car, buffet, and ticket collector.
Interviewer: Mr. Sopwith, aren't you in fact a train
Interviewer: Don't you in fact spot trains?
Spotter: Oh, you're no fun anymore.
(ANIMATION: Then a girl in bed. Count Dracula enters. The girl
reveals her neck. The vampire goes to kiss her but his fangs fall
Girl: Oh, you're no fun anymore.
(A man at the yardarm being lashed.)
Lasher: ... thirty-nine... forty. All right, cut him down,
Lashee: Oh you're no fun anymore.
(Back to camel spotter.)
Spotter: Now if anybody else pinches my phrase I'll throw
them under a camel.
Interviewer: (giggling) If you can spot one.
(Spotter gives him a dirty look. Knight in amour appears
beside him. He hits interviewer with chicken.)