(Scene : A working-class kitchen.)
Mum: (reading newspaper) D'you read that, Edgar?
Dad: What's that dear?
Mum: There's been another Indian massacre at Dorking Civic
Dad: About time too dear...
Mum: 'Those who were left alive at the end got their money
Dad: That's what live theatre needs - a few more
Mum: 'The police are anxious to speak to anyone who saw
the crime, ladies with large breasts, or just anyone who likes
(Suddenly a policeman walks in between the couple and the
Policeman: (to camera) Yes! Policemen make
wonderful friends. So it' you are over six feet tall and would like
a friend, a pen friend, in the police force, here is the address to
write to: 'Mrs. Ena Frog, 8 Masonic Apron Street, Cowdenbeath'.
Remember-policemen make wonderful friends. So write today and
take advantage of our free officer. Thank you. And now for the next
(The policeman retrieves his helmet, shakes it, proffers it to
mum at the table. She takes out a small folded bit of paper, opens
Mum: A Scotsman on a horse.
Policeman: For Mrs. Emma Hamilton of Nelson, a Scotsman on
(A Scotsman rides up to the camera and looks around, puzzled.)
In long-shot we see him riding off. At a wee Scottish kirk
another Scotsman is waiting at the head of the aisle to be married.
Intercut between first Scotsman galloping through the countryside
and the wedding procession coming up the aisle. The wedding takes
place; just as it finishes' the first Scotsman rides up to the kirk
and rushes in. The assembled congregation look at him in alarm as he
surveys them; then he picks up the other Scotsman and carries him
off. Cut to film of Women's Institute audience applauding.)