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Bicycle Repair Man

The cast:

VOICE OVER
John Cleese (with American Accent)
BICYCLE REPAIR MAN
Michael Palin
SUPERMAN ONE
John Cleese
SUPERMAN TWO
Graham Chapman
SUPERMAN THREE
Terry Jones

The sketch:

Superman film: shot from below of Superman (Michael) striding along against the sky.)

COMMENTATOR: (American accent) This man is no ordinary man. This is Mr. F G Superman. To all appearances, he looks like any other law-abiding citizen.

(Pull back to reveal he is in a modern street full of Supermen walking along shopping, waiting at bus queues etc. F. G. Superman gets onto a bus. The bus is full of Supermen, most of them with shopping baskets on their knees. F. G. Supermen finds a seat...during the commentary the camera slowly tracks in on his face. )

But Mr. F G Superman has a secret identity. When trouble strikes at any time, at any place, he is ready to become... BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!

(The camera is by now in very tight close-up. A country lane. A superman rides into the shot on a bicycle, whistling innocently. Suddenly he veers off to one side and crashes down into a ditch.

Cut to a launderette. Pan along a row of Supermen, one or two of whom are poring over magazines such as: 'The Adventures of an Insurance Broker', 'Income Tax Comics', and 'The Grocer'. Suddenly the door flies open and a youngish Superboy bursts in dramatically. )

Superboy: (dramatically) Hey, there's a bicycle broken. Up the road. (he points dramatically)

(General consternation.)

Bicycle Repair Man: (voice over) Hmmmmm. This sounds like a job for.. Bicycle Repair Man.... but how to change without revealing my secret identity

(Close-up F. G. Superman. He narrows his eyes.)

Superman One: If only Bicycle Repair Man were here!

Superboy: Yes, wait, I think I know where I can find him. Look over there!

(F. G. Superman points out of window; they turn and look obediently. F. G. Superman whips overall out of case and puts them on.

CAPTION: 'FLASH!'

Fantastically speeded-up for this. His overalls have 'Bicycle Repair Man' written across the chest. He completes the transformation with a pair of little round specs and a bag of tools. He makes for the door and all the Supermen turn and raise their hands in amazement.)

All Supermen: Bicycle Repair Man, but how?

Superman One: Oh look... is it a stockbroker?

Superman Two: Is it a quantity Surveyor?

Superman Three: Is it a church warden?

All Supermen: NO! It's Bicycle Repair Man!

(Country road. Superman is standing over the mangled bits looking at it and scratching his head. Bicycle Repair Man speeds up to him. Superman stands back in surprise, with arms raised. )

Superman: MY! Bicycle Repair Man! Thank goodness you've come! (he points stiltedly) Look!

(Bicycle Repair Man pushes him to one side and kneels beside the broken bicycle. Speeded-up: he mends the bike with spanners etc. Graphics.)

CAPTIONS:
CLINK!
SCREW!
BEND!
INFLATE!
ALTER SADDLE!

(A little group of Supermen has gathered to watch him work. As he does so they point in amazement. )

Superman Two: Why, he's mending it with his own hands!

Superman One: See how he uses a spanner to tighten that nut!

Superman: Oh, Oh Bicycle Repair Man, how can I ever repay you?

Bicycle Repair Man: Oh, you don't need to guv. It's all in a days work for... Bicycle Repair Man!

(Cut to Bicycle Repair Man presenting the Superman with a glittering drop-handlebarred bike.)

All Supermen: Our Hero!

Voiceover: Yes! whenever bicycles are broken, or menaced by international communism, Bicycle Repair Man is ready!

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