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Monty Python ScriptsThe Man with Three ButtocksThe cast:
The sketch:Announcer: And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks! Host : I have with me Mr. Arthur Frampton who... (pause) Mr. Frampton, I understand that you - um - as it were... (pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that whereas most people have - er - two... Two. Frampton: Oh, sure. Host: Ah well, er, Mr. Frampton. Erm, is that chair comfortable? Frampton: Fine, yeah, fine. Host: Mr. Frampton, er, vis a vis your... (pause) rump. Frampton: I beg your pardon? Host: Your rump. Frampton: What? Host: Er, your derriere. (Whispers) Posterior. Sit-upon. Frampton: What's that? Host: (whispers) Your buttocks. Frampton: Oh, me bum! Host: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well now, I understand that you, Mr. Frampton, have a... (pause) 50% bonus in the region of what you say. Frampton: I got three cheeks. Host: Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well we were wondering, Mr. Frampton, if you could see your way clear to giving us a quick... (pause) a quick visual... (long pause). Mr. Frampton, would you take your trousers down. Frampton: What? (to cameramen) 'Ere, get that away! I'm not taking me trousers down on television. What do you think I am? Host: Please take them down. Frampton: No! Host: No, er look, er Mr. Frampton. It's quite easy for somebody just to come along here claiming... that they have a bit to spare in the botty department. The point is, our viewers need proof. Frampton: I've been on Persian Radio ... Get off! Arthur Figgis knows I've got three buttocks. Host: How? Frampton: We go cycling together. (Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (Graham) looks down, looks up and exclaims 'strewth '.) Announcer: (sitting at desk) And now for something completely different. A man with three buttocks. (Interview studio again.) Interviewer: Good evening, I have with me Mr. Arthur Frampton, who.. Mr. Frampton I understand that you, as it were - well let me put it another way... I believe Mr. Frampton that whereas most people... didn't we do this just now? Frampton: Er ... yes. Interviewer: Well why didn't you say so? Frampton: I thought it was the continental version. (Cut back to Announcer sitting confidently at desk) Announcer: And now for something completely the same - a man with three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers) Hullo? ... Oh, did we. (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for something completely different. A man with three noses. Off-Screen Voice: He's not here yet! Announcer: Two Noses?
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Monty
Python Scripts
