Announcer: And now for something completely different. A
man with three buttocks!
Host : I have with me Mr. Arthur Frampton who...
(pause) Mr. Frampton, I understand that you - um - as it were...
(pause) Well let me put it another way. Erm, I believe that
whereas most people have - er - two... Two.
Frampton: Oh, sure.
Host: Ah well, er, Mr. Frampton. Erm, is that chair
Frampton: Fine, yeah, fine.
Host: Mr. Frampton, er, vis a vis your... (pause)
Frampton: I beg your pardon?
Host: Your rump.
Host: Er, your derriere. (Whispers) Posterior.
Frampton: What's that?
Host: (whispers) Your buttocks.
Frampton: Oh, me bum!
Host: (hurriedly) Sshhh! Well now, I understand
that you, Mr. Frampton, have a... (pause) 50% bonus in the region of
what you say.
Frampton: I got three cheeks.
Host: Yes, yes, excellent, excellent. Well we were
wondering, Mr. Frampton, if you could see your way clear to giving
us a quick... (pause) a quick visual... (long pause).
Mr. Frampton, would you take your trousers down.
Frampton: What? (to cameramen) 'Ere, get that away!
I'm not taking me trousers down on television. What do you think I
Host: Please take them down.
Host: No, er look, er Mr. Frampton. It's quite easy for
somebody just to come along here claiming... that they have a bit to
spare in the botty department. The point is, our viewers need proof.
Frampton: I've been on Persian Radio ... Get off! Arthur
Figgis knows I've got three buttocks.
Frampton: We go cycling together.
(Cut to shot of two men riding tandem. The one behind (Graham)
looks down, looks up and exclaims 'strewth '.)
Announcer: (sitting at desk) And now for something
completely different. A man with three buttocks.
(Interview studio again.)
Interviewer: Good evening, I have with me Mr. Arthur
Frampton, who.. Mr. Frampton I understand that you, as it were -
well let me put it another way... I believe Mr. Frampton that
whereas most people... didn't we do this just now?
Frampton: Er ... yes.
Interviewer: Well why didn't you say so?
Frampton: I thought it was the continental version.
(Cut back to Announcer sitting confidently at desk)
Announcer: And now for something completely the same - a man with
three buttocks. (phone on desk rings - he answers) Hullo? ...
Oh, did we. (puts phone down and looks at camera) And now for
something completely different. A man with three noses.
Off-Screen Voice: He's not here yet!
Announcer: Two Noses?