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The Meaning of Life Script

Part VI B: The Meaning of Life

The sketch:

ANNOUNCER: The Meaning of Life: Part Six B: The Meaning of Life.

MAÎTRE D: M-hm-hmm. You know, Maria, I sometimes wonder if we'll ever discover the meaning of it all working in a place like this.

MARIA: Oh, I've worked in worse places, philosophically speaking.

MAÎTRE D: Really, Maria?

MARIA: Yes. I used to work in the Académie Française, but it didn't do me any good at all,
A-- and I once worked in the library in the Prado in Madrid, but it didn't teach me nothing, I recall,

And the Library of Congress you'd have thought would hold some key,
But it didn't, and neither did the Bodleian Library.

In the British Museum I hoped to find some clue.
I worked there from nine till six, read every volume through,

But it didn't teach me nothing about life's mystery.
I just kept getting older, and it got more difficult to see,

Till, eventually, me eyes went and me arthritis got bad,
And so now I'm cleaning up in here, but I can't be really sad,

'Cause, you see, I feel that life's a game. You sometimes win or lose,
And though I may be down right now, at least I don't work for Jews.

MAÎTRE D: [choking]
I'm so sorry. I-- I had no idea we had a-- a racist working here. I-- I-- I-- I apologise most sincerely. I mean, well, w-- W-- where are you going? Know what? I can explain, uh,-- Ehh, quel dommage.

GASTON: As for me, huh, if you want to know what I think, [sniff] I'll show you something. Come with me.

MAÎTRE D: Ah! I was saying that-- Uh, allo?

GASTON: Come on.

MAÎTRE D: Ah, allo? Allo?

GASTON: This way. Come on. Don't be shy. Mind the stairs, all right? I think this will help explain. Come along. Come along. Over here. Come on. Come on.
This way.
Come on. This way. Stay by me, uh?
Nearly there, now. You see that? That's where I was born. You know, one day, my-- my mother, she put me on her knee and she said to me, 'Gaston, my son, the world is a beautiful place. You must go into it and... love everyone, try to make everyone happy, and bring peace and contentment everywhere you go,' and so, I became a waiter. Well, it's-- it's not much of a philosophy, I know,... but, well,... fuck you. I can live my own life in my own way if I want to. Fuck off.

VOICE: [cough cough]

GASTON: Don't come following me!

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