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The Meaning of Life Script

Part VI B: The Meaning of Life

The sketch:

ANNOUNCER: The Meaning of Life: Part Six B: The Meaning of Life.

MAÎTRE D: M-hm-hmm. You know, Maria, I sometimes wonder if we'll ever discover the meaning of it all working in a place like this.

MARIA: Oh, I've worked in worse places, philosophically speaking.

MAÎTRE D: Really, Maria?

MARIA: Yes. I used to work in the Académie Française, but it didn't do me any good at all,
A-- and I once worked in the library in the Prado in Madrid, but it didn't teach me nothing, I recall,

And the Library of Congress you'd have thought would hold some key,
But it didn't, and neither did the Bodleian Library.

In the British Museum I hoped to find some clue.
I worked there from nine till six, read every volume through,

But it didn't teach me nothing about life's mystery.
I just kept getting older, and it got more difficult to see,

Till, eventually, me eyes went and me arthritis got bad,
And so now I'm cleaning up in here, but I can't be really sad,

'Cause, you see, I feel that life's a game. You sometimes win or lose,
And though I may be down right now, at least I don't work for Jews.

MAÎTRE D: [choking]
[clunk]
I'm so sorry. I-- I had no idea we had a-- a racist working here. I-- I-- I-- I apologise most sincerely. I mean, well, w-- W-- where are you going? Know what? I can explain, uh,-- Ehh, quel dommage.

GASTON: As for me, huh, if you want to know what I think, [sniff] I'll show you something. Come with me.

MAÎTRE D: Ah! I was saying that-- Uh, allo?

GASTON: Come on.

MAÎTRE D: Ah, allo? Allo?

GASTON: This way. Come on. Don't be shy. Mind the stairs, all right? I think this will help explain. Come along. Come along. Over here. Come on. Come on.
[screeeech]
[beeeeeep]
This way.
[beeeep]
[honk]
[screeech]
Come on. This way. Stay by me, uh?
[music]
Nearly there, now. You see that? That's where I was born. You know, one day, my-- my mother, she put me on her knee and she said to me, 'Gaston, my son, the world is a beautiful place. You must go into it and... love everyone, try to make everyone happy, and bring peace and contentment everywhere you go,' and so, I became a waiter. Well, it's-- it's not much of a philosophy, I know,... but, well,... fuck you. I can live my own life in my own way if I want to. Fuck off.

VOICE: [cough cough]

GASTON: Don't come following me!

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