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Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Scene 4: Arthur Meets a Brave Knight...and Cuts His Limbs Off

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT: Aaaagh!

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT: Aaagh!

GREEN KNIGHT: Ooh!

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

[stab]

BLACK KNIGHT: Aagh!

GREEN KNIGHT: Oh!

[King Arthur music]

Ooh! Uuh.

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT: Aaaagh!

[clang]

BLACK KNIGHT and GREEN KNIGHT: Agh!, oh!, etc.

GREEN KNIGHT: Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!

[woosh]

[BLACK KNIGHT kills GREEN KNIGHT]

[thud]

[scrape]

BLACK KNIGHT: Umm!

[clop clop clop]

ARTHUR: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

[pause]

I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

[pause]

I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Camelot.

[pause]

You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

[pause]

You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

ARTHUR: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

ARTHUR: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.

BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.

ARTHUR: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!

BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man.

ARTHUR: So be it!

ARTHUR and BLACK KNIGHT: Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]

ARTHUR: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BLACK KNIGHT: 'Tis but a scratch.

ARTHUR: A scratch? Your arm's off!

BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn't.

ARTHUR: Well, what's that, then?

BLACK KNIGHT: I've had worse.

ARTHUR: You liar!

BLACK KNIGHT: Come on, you pansy!

[clang]

Huyah!

[clang]

Hiyaah!

[clang]

Aaaaaaaah!

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]

ARTHUR: Victory is mine!

[kneeling]

We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer--

BLACK KNIGHT: Hah!

[kick]

Come on, then.

ARTHUR: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!

[kick]

ARTHUR: Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?

ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.

BLACK KNIGHT: Yes, I have.

ARTHUR: Look!

BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.

[kick]

ARTHUR: Look, stop that.

BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken!

[kick]

Chickennn!

ARTHUR: Look, I'll have your leg.

[kick]

Right!

[whop]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT: Right. I'll do you for that!

ARTHUR: You'll what?

BLACK KNIGHT: Come here!

ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!

ARTHUR: You're a looney.

BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.

[whop]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's last leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.

ARTHUR: Come, Patsy.

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

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