(Pull back to see the inside of the house of Mrs.
Trepidatious. Another old ratbag enters and sits opposite her.)
Mrs. O: Morning, Mrs. Trepidatious.
Mrs. Trepidatious: Oh, I don't know what's good about it,
my right arm's hanging off something awful.
Mrs. O: Oh, you want to have that seen to.
Mrs. Trepidatious: What, by that Dr Morrison? He's killed
more patients than I've had severe boils.
Mrs. O: What do the stars say?
Mrs. Trepidatious: Well, Petula Clark says burst them
early, but David Frost...
Mrs. O: No, the stars in the paper, you cloth-eared heap
of anteater's catarrh, the zodiacal signs, the horoscopic fates, the
astrological portents, the omens, the genethliac prognostications,
the mantalogical harbingers, the vaticinal utterances, the fatidical
premonitory uttering of the mantalogical omens - what do the
bleeding stars in the paper predict, forecast, prophesy, foretell,
(A big sheet is lowered with the words on.)
Voice Over: And this is where you at home can join in.
Mrs. O: ... forebode, bode, augur, spell, foretoken, (the
audience joins in) presage, portend, foreshow, foreshadow, forerun,
herald, point to, betoken, indicate!
Mrs. Trepidatious: I don't know.
(The sheet is raised again.)
Mrs. O: What are you?
Mrs. Trepidatious: I'm Nesbitt.
Mrs. O: There's not a zodiacal sign called Nesbitt...
Mrs. Trepidatious: All right, Derry and Toms.
Mrs. O: (surveying paper) Aquarius, Scorpio, Virgo,
Derry and Toms. April 29th to March 22nd. Even dates only.
Mrs. Trepidatious: Well what does it presage?
Mrs. O: You have green, scaly skin, and a soft yellow
underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine
and tail. Although lizard like in shape, you can grow anything up to
thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks
and trees. You inhabit arid sub-tropical zones and wear spectacles.
Mrs. Trepidatious: It's very good about the spectacles.
Mrs. O: It's amazing.
Mrs. Trepidatious: Mm ... what's yours, Irene?
Mrs. O: Basil.
Mrs. Trepidatious: I'm sorry, what's yours, Basil?
Mrs. O: No. That's my star sign, Basil...
Mrs. Trepidatious: There isn't a...
Mrs. O: Yes there is ... Aquarius, Sagittarius, Derry and
Toms, Basil. June 21st to June 22nd.
Mrs. Trepidatious: Well, what does it say?
Mrs. O: You have green, scaly skin and a series of yellow
underbellies running down your spine and tail ...
Mrs. Trepidatious: That's exactly the same!
Mrs. O: Try number one ... what's Aquarius?
Mrs. Trepidatious: It's a zodiacal sign.
Mrs. O: I know that, what does it say in the paper Mrs.
Mrs. Trepidatious: All right... Oh! It says, 'a wonderful
day ahead'. You will be surrounded by family and friends. Roger
Moore will drop in for lunch, bringing Tony Curtis with him. In the
afternoon a substantial cash sum will come your way. In the evening
Petula Clark will visit your home accompanied by Mike Samrues
singers. She will sing for you in your own living room. Before you
go to bed, Peter Wyngarde will come and declare his undying love for
Mrs. O: Urghhl What's Scorpio?
Mrs. Trepidatious: Oh, that's very good. 'You will have
lunch with a school friend of Duane Eddy's, who will insist on
whistling some of Duane's greatest instrumental hits. In the
afternoon you will die, you will be buried...'
(A doctor is lowered on a wire. The sketch continues into the