(Cut to a courtroom. Severe atmosphere.)
Judge: Michael Norman Randall, you have been found guilty
of the murder of Arthur Reginald Webster, Charles Patrick
Trumpington, Marcel Agnes Bernstein, Lewis Anona Rudd, John Malcolm
Kerr, Nigel Sinclair Robinson, Norman Arthur Potter, Felicity Jayne
Stone, Jean-Paul Reynard, Rachel Shirley Donaldson, Stephen Jay
Greenblatt, Karl-Heinz Mullet, Belinda Anne Ventham, Juan-Carlos
Fernandez, Thor Olaf Stensgaard, Lord Kimberrley of Pretoria, Lady
Kimberley of Pretoria, The Right Honourable Nigel WarmsIcy
Kimberley, Robert Henry Noonan and Felix James Bennett, on or about
the morning of the 19th December 1972. Have you anything to say
before I pass sentence?
Randall: Yes, sir. I'm very sorry.
Judge: Very sorry!
Randall: Yes, sir. It was a very very bad thing to have
done and I'm really very ashamed of myself, I can only say it won't
happen again. To have murdered so many people in such a short space
of time is really awful, and I really am very, very, very sorry that
I did it, and also that I've taken up so much of the court's
valuable time listening to the sordid details of these senseless
killings of mine. I would particularly like to say, a very personal
and sincere 'sorry' to you, m'lud, my lud for my appalling behavior
throughout this trial. I'd also like to say sorry to the police, for
putting them to so much trouble (shot of three heavily bandaged
exhausted-looking policemen behind him) for the literally hours
of work they've had to put in, collecting evidence and identifying
corpses and so forth. You know I think sometimes we ought to realize
the difficult and often dangerous work involved in tracking down
violent criminals like myself and I'd last like them to know that
their fine work is at least appreciated by me.
(The policemen look embarrassed.)
First Policeman: No, no, we were only doing our job.
Second Policeman: No, no, no, no.
Randall: It's very good of you to say that, but I know
what you've been through.
First Policeman: No, no, we've had worse.
Third Policeman: It was plain sailng apart from the
Randall: I know and I'm grateful I'd like to apologize too
to the prosecuting counsel for dragging him in here morning after
morning in such lovely weather.
Counsel: Well, I would have had to come in anyway.
Randall: Ah good, but what a presentation of a case!
Counsel: Oh thank you.
Randall: No, no, it's a privilege to watch you in action.
I never had a chance.
Counsel: Oh yes you did.
Randall: Not after that summing up. Great.
Counsel: Oh thank you. (very chuffed)
Randall: And now I must come to the jury. What can I say.
I've dragged you in here, day after day, keeping you away from your
homes, your jobs, your loved ones, just to hear the private details
of my petty atrocities.
Foreman: No, no, 'it was very interesting.
Randall: But you could have had a much nicer case.
Foreman: No, no, murder's much more fun.
First Juryman: Yes and so many of them.
Third Juryman: We've had a terrific time. (the jury
Randall: (blows his nose, does a Dickie Attenborough)
I'm sorry, I'm very moved. And so, m'lud, it only remains for you to
pass the most savage sentence on me that the law can provide.
Judge: Well er... not necessarily.
Randall: No, m'lud, the full penalty of the law is hardly
sufficient, I insist I must be made an example of.
Judge: Well yes and no. I mean society at large...
Randall: Oh no, m'lud. Not with mass murder.
Judge: But in this case, (to court) don't you
Court: Yes, yes!
Randall: Oh, come on, m'lud, you've got to give me life.
Court: No, no, no, no.
Randall: (to court at large) Well, ten years at
Judge: Ten years!
Court: Shame. Shame!
Randall: Well five then. Be fair.
Judge: No, no. I'm giving you three months.
Randall: Oh no, that's so embarrassing. I won't hear of
it. Give me six...please.
Judge: Well, all right. Six months.
Randall: Thank you, m'lud.
Judge: But suspended.
Randall: Oh no.
Court: Hooray. (they applaud)
Foreman: Three cheers for the defendant. Hip. Hip.
Foreman: Hip. Hip.
Foreman: Hip. Hip.
All: For he's a jolly good fellow For he's a jolly good
fellow For he's a jolly good fellow
Voice: (off) Which nobody can deny.