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Monty Python Scripts

Current Affairs

The cast:

John Cleese
Eric Idle
Terry Jones

The sketch:

(Cut to a simple set with two chairs in it. Close up of Mr. Praline.)

Praline: Hello. 'Ow are you? I'm fine. Welcome to a new half-hour chat show in which me, viz the man what's talking to you now, and Brooky - to wit my flat mate - and nothing else, I'd like to emphasize that - discuss current affairs issues of burning import.

(Pull back to show Brooky.)

Brooky: Have you heard the one about the three nuns in the nudist colony?

Praline: Shut up. Tonight, the population explosion.

Brooky: Apparently there were these three nuns...

Praline: Shut up. Come the year 1991, given the present rate of increase in the world's population, the Chinese will be three deep. Another thing...

(Floor manager comes in.)

Floor Manager: Sorry, loves, sorry, the show is too long this week and this scene's been cut.

Praline: Lord Hill's at the bottom Of this.

Floor Manager: But if you can find a piano stool you can appear later on in the show on film.

Brooky: 'Ow much?

Floor Manager: Oh, about ten bob each.

Praline: I wouldn't wipe me nose on it.

Brooky: 'Ave you 'eard the one about these three nuns...

Praline: Sh. I can hear something. 'Ang about, we may still get in this show as a link.

(Praline kneels and puts his ear to the floor. In the bottom section of the shot we see beneath the floor an animation of the unfortunate members of the Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things bring flushed along a pipe.)

Brooky: That's clever. How do they do that?

Praline: color separation, you cotton head.

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