(Cut to studio: interviewer in chair. Superimposed Caption on
screen: 'FACE THE PRESS')
Interviewer: Hello. Tonight on 'Face the Press' we're
going to examine two different views of contemporary things. On my
left is the Minister for Home Affairs (cut to minister completely
in drag and a moustache) who is wearing a striking organza dress
in pink tulle, with matching pearls and a diamanté collar necklace.
(soft fashion-parade music starts to play in background) The
shoes are in brushed pigskin with gold clasps, by Maxwell of Bond
Street. The ' hair is by Roger, and the whole ensemble is crowned by
a spectacular display of Christmas orchids. And on my right -
putting the case against the Government - is a small patch of brown
liquid ... (cut to patch of liquid on seat of chair) which
could be creosote or some extract used in industrial varnishing.
(cut back to interviewer) Good evening. Minister, may I put the
first question . to you? In your plan, 'A Better Britain For Us',
you claimed that you would build 88,ooo million, billion houses a
year in the Greater London area alone. In fact, you've built only
three in the last fifteen years. Are you a bit disappointed with
Minister: No, no. I'd like to answer this question if I
may in two ways. Firsfly in my normal voice and then in a kind of
silly high-pitched whine... You see housing is a problem really...
(Cut back to the interviewer. The minister is heard droning on
in the background The soft fashion-parade music starts again.)
Interviewer: Well, while the minister is answering this
question I'd just like to point out the minister's dress has been
made entirely by hand from over three hundred pieces of Arabian shot
silk (at this point we can hear the minister's high-pitched whine
beneath the fashion music) especially created for the minister
by Vargar's of Paris. The low slim-line has been cut
off-the-shoulder to heighten the effect of the minister's fine bone
structure. Well I think the minister is coming to the end of his
answer now so let's go back over and join the discussion. Thank you
very much minister. Today saw the appointment of a new head of...
Minister: Don't I say any more?
Interviewer: No fear! Today saw the appointment of a new
head of Allied Bomber Command - Air Chief Marshal Sir Vincent 'Kill
the Japs' Forseer. He's in our Birmingham studio...
(Cut to close-up on what appears to be a monitor with Sir
Vincent on it- in outrageous drag, heavy lipstick, big bust etc. -
Draped on a chaise-longue. A small black boy is fanning him.)
Sir Vincent: Hello Sailors! Listen, guess what. The
Minister of Aviation has made me head of the RAF Ola Pola.
(As he talks we zoom out quickly from the set to reveal it is
not a monitor in the studio but a TV set in a G-plan type sitting
room. A housewife (Mrs. Pinnet) sits watching, wearing an apron and a
scarf and with her hair in curlers.)
(Sketch leads into the New Cooker Sketch)