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The Meaning of Life Script

Part IV: Middle Age

The sketch:

ANNOUNCER: Middle Age.

FISH #6: Oh. Could've guessed it.

MR. MARVIN HENDY: Oh, that's much better. Thank you, honey.

MRS. HENDY: You're welcome.

MR. HENDY: Mmmm. It was all sort of misty before.

MRS. HENDY: M-hmm.

MR. HENDY: That's fine.

M'LADY JOELINE: Hi! How are you?

MR. HENDY: Oh, we're just fine!

JOELINE: What kind of food 'd you like to eat this evening?

MR. HENDY: Well, we sort of like pineapples.

JOELINE: Pineapple. Mmm.

MRS. HENDY: Yeah, we love pineapple.


MR. HENDY: Yeah, anything with pineapple in it is great for us.

JOELINE: Mm. Well, how about the Dungeon Room?

MRS. HENDY: Oh, look.

MR. HENDY: Ohh, that sounds fine!

JOELINE: Sure is. It's real Hawaiian food served in an authentic, medieval English dungeon atmosphere.


MRS. HENDY: It's--

PRISONER: Aaaaaaaaaaah!
[Hawaiian music-- 'Aloha Oe']
Aah. Ah. Aah. Aaaaah. Aaaaaah!

MR. HENDY: Hmm m mm mm mmmm mm mm mmmm. Isn't this nice? Ha hah. Why not? Good shot. Real Kodak. Oh! Thank you. Thank you very much. Hm mm mmmm. Dah dah...

PRISONER: Aaaaaaaaaaah!

MR. HENDY: ...dah dah dah dah daah. Daah.


MR. HENDY: Huhh huh mm. Mmm.

MRS. HENDY: Hmm hmm.

MR. HENDY: H-mmm.



WAITER: Good evening! Uhh, would you care for something to... talk about?

MR. HENDY: Oh, that would be wonderful.

WAITER: Our special tonight is minorities!

MR. HENDY: Ohh, that sounds real interesting.

MRS. HENDY: Um, what's this conversation here?

WAITER: Uh, that's, uh, 'football'. There you can talk about the Steelers-Bears game this Saturday, or you could, uh, reminisce about really great World Series.

MRS. HENDY: No, no, no, no.

MR. HENDY: What is this one here?

WAITER: Uhh, that's 'philosophy'.

MRS. HENDY: Is that a sport?

WAITER: Aah, no, it's more of an attempt to, uh, construct a viable hypothesis to, uh, explain the meaning of life.

FISH #3: What was that?

FISH #5: What's he say?

FISH #4: What was that?!

FISH #2: Shush.

FISH #5: Eh?

MR. HENDY: Oh, that sounds wonderful. Would you like to talk about the meaning of life, darling?

MRS. HENDY: Sure. Why not?

WAITER: Philosophy for two?

MR. HENDY: Right.


MR. HENDY: Two-five-nine.

WAITER: Two-five-nine.

MR. HENDY: Yup. Uhh,-- uh, h-- how do we--

WAITER: Oh, uhh, you folks want me to start you off?

MR. HENDY: Oh, really, we'd appreciate that.


MR. HENDY: Yeah.

WAITER: Well, ehh,...

MR. HENDY: Mhmm.

WAITER: ...look. Have you ever wondered... just why you're here?

MR. HENDY: Well, we went to Miami last year and California the year before that, and we've--

WAITER: No, no, no. I mean, uh, w-- why we're here... on this planet.

MR. HENDY: Hmmm. No.

WAITER: Right! Aaah, you ever wanted to know what it's all about?

MR. HENDY: Nope.


WAITER: Right-o! Aah, well, uh, see, throughout history,...

MR. HENDY: M-hmm.

WAITER: ...there have been certain men and women who have tried to find the solution to the mysteries of existence,...

MRS. HENDY: G-reat.

WAITER: ...and we call these guys 'philosophers'!


MRS. HENDY: And that's what we're talking about.

WAITER: Right!

MR. HENDY: Yeah.

MRS. HENDY: Ohh, that's neat!

WAITER: Well, you look like you're getting the idea, so why don't I give you these, uh, conversation cards? They'll tell you a little about philosophical method,...


WAITER: ...names of famous philosophers,-- Uh, there you are. Uhh, have a nice conversation!

MR. HENDY: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

MRS. HENDY: He's cute.

MR. HENDY: Yeah, real--


MR. HENDY: Real understanding. Mmm.

MRS. HENDY: Oh! I never knew Schopenhauer was a philosopher!

MR. HENDY: Oh, yeah! He's the one that begins with an 'S'.


MR. HENDY: Umm, like, uh, 'Nietzsche'.

MRS. HENDY: Does 'Nietzsche' begin with an 'S'?

MR. HENDY: Uh, there's an 's' in 'Nietzsche'.

MRS. HENDY: Oh, wow. Yes, there is. Do all philosophers have an 's' in them?

MR. HENDY: Uh, yeah! I think most of 'em do.

MRS. HENDY: Oh. Does that mean Selina Jones is a philosopher?

MR. HENDY: Yeah! Right! She could be! She sings about the meaning of life.

MRS. HENDY: Yeah. That's right, but I don't think she writes her own material.

MR. HENDY: No. Oh, maybe Schopenhauer writes her material.

MRS. HENDY: No. Burt Bacharach writes it.

MR. HENDY: But there's no 's' in 'Burt Bacharach'.

MRS. HENDY: Or in 'Hal David'.

MR. HENDY: Who's Hal David?

MRS. HENDY: He writes the lyrics. Burt just writes the tunes, only now, he's married to Carole Bayer Sager.

MR. HENDY: Oh, waiter. This conversation isn't very good.

WAITER: Oh, I'm sorry, sir! Uhh, we do have one today that's not on the menu. It's sort of a specialty of the house, you know.

MR. HENDY: Oh, yes.

WAITER: 'Live Organ Transplants'.

MRS. HENDY: 'Live Organ Transplants'? What's that?

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